EPISODE 14 - FALLING . . . AND RISING . . . AND FALLING . . .

Hey people, what can I say? Been a while? For some funny reason, I can hardly believe it's been exactly two months since I dropped my last post. Beats me too. I have been wondering about what happened myself? Did I get hit by a 'brain flu' (hmmm, with bird flu, swine flu and stuff, brain flu is definitely a future possibility) that made me unable to use my head to think and write? Or did I simply disappear into my own private world ( a world I call Geebama Island, just north of Hawaii)? Or did blogging just become so boring that I had to hold off for a good while? The questions are endless and there's just one answer to all. NO! There really is no answer but this period just proved something to me. You sometimes find yourself in some situations where things you do naturally suddenly become stuff that's hard to be done. Anyways, make we leave matter for Matthias. What matters to me right now is that I'm back and oh Lordy, it feels so good. Feels like actually being in Hawaii. lol. I should also not forget to thank you folks that checked on me all the while. Names need not be mentioned but trust me, you guys made me feel somewhat special and a paticular 'Anonymous' person just happened to become a p...p...p ... ok, stalker during this period (i was actually going to say 'pest') dropping thesame lines over and over just to prove some point, i suppose. Well, all that said, let's resume with Geebee's Trip. Men, I would probably have done like six episodes within these two months and been on Episode 20 instead of Episode 14 - FALLING . . . RISING . . . AND FALLING . . .

The saying goes . . . It is not how many times a man falls that count but how many times he rises again after falling. How true? I have heard these lines over and over again, especially in church, as most of us tend to console ourselves after doing one bad thing or the other. Yes indeed, the good thing about falling is having the fortitude to rise again but what do we say in a situation when a man keeps falling and rising and falling . . . and so on, so much that it becomes a habit. Some would say it really does not matter so long as you always rise whenever you fall. This is exactly the scenario that began after Lovina's phone call on that fateful day. (Revisit Episode 13 to refresh your memory).

Lovina's voice came on air again, a tone of worry and impatience firmly ingrained in it. "Geebee, are you there?
I sighed. "Yes I am here?"
"What is the matter now? You sound strange," she said.
I fought hard to maintain my composure. It was almost as if the woman on the other end could see me physically. I wanted to tell this woman that I regretted everything that had happened between us and I would no longer be a part of such an evil act but the words seemed destined never to proceed beyond my throat.
"I'm alright, Lovina." I found myself saying much to my chagrin. It was as if I no longer owned myself, as though I was being controlled by a strange force. These days, when I loook back, I believe I was so naïve and much as I hated to admit, my age always got in the way back then. I could hardly get past the feeling that I was just nineteen years old and there was a limit to which I could maintain my stand on that issue, especially because it concerned a woman far more advanced in age, experience and resources. I wonder if I actually feared this woman but I believe even if I did not show a physical fear, there was an inward fear lurking on my inside – a fear of what would happen if I let out my thoughts, a fear of what I would lose if I let this woman go, a fear of what this woman could do to me. Of a truth, there was nothing at all scary or dreadful about her but my immature mind back then presented pictures that were not necessarily true about the situation.
“So can we see?” Lovina asked?
I sighed again. “Yes.”
“Okay, meet me at Mr. Biggs by 6 o’clock,” she said, and I could practically sense the joy in her words. She really wished to see me. I felt a sense of accomplishment in the thought. I was wanted by a woman, not some school girl or age grade chic - a woman!

Lovina and I spent that night in a hotel. She had made a good cover up story to her husband and family that she would be going to a relative’s place somewhere on the farther part of Lagos. Right in my presence, she called the supposed relative and filled her on the plan just in case her husband called to verify the story. I watched this woman in awe and could hardly believe I was falling so deep into this abyss and yet could do absolutely nothing about it. I still wonder where on earth I found the courage to call my Dad and tell him that I would not be coming home that night.
“What? Where are you?” Chief barked from his end of the phone.
“Daddy, I have to submit an important assignment in school tomorrow. It’s a group assignment so I would be spending the night in my friend’s place so we can work overnight.”
“No, no. You must come home,” my old man said in his usual commanding tone. “You can go and continue tomorrow.”
“But daddy, I . . .” I began but I heard a click in the receiver. Chief had ended the call. As far as he was concerned, he had spoken and that was final. I was furious. I turned to stare at Lovina and found out that she had been staring at me as well in expectation.
“What did your father say?” she asked me, as though she had not been there all the while I was on the phone with my dad.
“He said I must come home,”
“So what will you do now?” she asked.

I sat there for a minute saying nothing. It was about 10.30 pm and we were already booked into the hotel room. I knew I could still go home if I wanted to and that would really have been the perferct reason for me to avoid being with this Lovina that night. In fact, it was the right thing to do. However, the rebel in me took over. I was indeed tired of being treated like a kid by my dad and step mum. I had always been looking for a way out and even though I dreaded my father, I wanted to defy his authority for once. The thought of what he would do if I did not go home that night to me sent shivers through my spine but I decided I would not go home that night. I looked at my phone and pressed the power button to turn the phone off.
“So what are you going to do?” Lovina asked one more time.
I looked at her and the thoughts of the things that were going to happen that night flooded my brain. I had never slept outside my father’s house before and this was definitely an adventure I was not ready to miss. Chief and his wife could rant all they cared. Tomorrow would take care of itself, I decided. That night marked the beginning of my much longed-for freedom from the bondage of my dad and step mum. Meanwhile, I continued to enjoy my new-found bondage, patiently wondering when I would get out. At nineteen, I felt life couldn’t have been better.

SEE YOU IN THE NEXT EPISODE OF GEEBEE’S TRIP.