EPISODE 32 – QUO VADIS?

I promised myself I would not talk about the ongoing FIFA World Cup but somehow it almost feels irresistible. Well, a line or two wouldn’t hurt now, would it? Let me quickly share this joke with you guys.

A teacher found his pupil sitting in class after school and asked him why he was not on his way home like the rest of his colleagues. The eight year old boy was sad because he had come second in the weekly test.
“Why don’t you want to go home?” the teacher asked.
“Because my mummy will beat me,” the boy answered.
“What about your dad?” the teacher asked.
“He will beat me too,” answered the kid.
The teacher was surprised. “So where do you want to go?”
“I want to go and meet the Super Eagles,” the kid said.
The teacher was shocked and confused. “Why would you want to go meet the Super Eagles?” he asked, wondering what his pupil meant.
“Because they do not ever beat anyone,” the boy simply answered.

I’m not surprised our dear Super Chickens Eagles crashed out in the first round of the tournament. Did anyone really expect them to do anything different? Now, whoever did must be a dreamer. I once heard ‘foolishness’ defined as doing something the same way over and over and expecting to get a different result. The team definitely needs a thorough overhauling and until that happens, we should not expect anything spectacular from these chickens eagles. This is the first World Cup on African soil and unfortunately all the African representatives except Ghana crashed out in the preliminary stage. Right now, I feel elated that Ghana have managed to beat U.S.A in the second round and reach the last eight, a record for them, making Ghana the third African country to reach the quarter finals of the World Cup after Cameroon in 1990 and Senegal in 2002. For the remaining duration of this tournament, I have become a Ghanaian and you can call me Kofi or Mensah. lol. Wao, have I gone beyond two lines? My bad! Back to our story, people.

I struggled to come to terms with the fact that BG was pregnant. It was a most shocking realization and I sat holding the lab result in my hands for almost an hour. My mind remained totally blank and I practically forgot BG was sitting beside me.
“What are we going to do now?” she asked finally.
It was a question I had no answers to. What was the next step? I asked myself repeatedly but could not quite find an answer. I had never being in such a situation before. I had been having sex for about six years but no girl had ever gotten pregnant for me and I never had any friends I knew who had been in similar situations. It was a totally new experience and I felt confused as hell. I decided immediately that we could not have this baby as that would be the very death of me. The problem however was how to get rid of the pregnancy. I realized for the first time that I was indeed a novice.
“Please, just allow me think, okay.” I told her calmly after she repeated her question.
“But you have been thinking for over an hour now,” she challenged.
I quite understood her fears. She was in a more precarious situation as it were as her overall personality had never prepared her for such a situation. She was the ‘baby of her house’ and her father and older siblings doted on her to no end. In fact, as at the time, they could vouch for her virginity, thus I could identify with her worries. I also had mine but I was doing my best to control myself. It would have taken no serious effort for me to throw myself on the ground and cry my eyes out considering the consequences that lay ahead of me. I got up without a word and took a walk leaving her sitting where she was. I believed I needed a clear head and her nagging would have made matters much worse.

In my desperation, I strolled to Viv’s Place, a spot in the neighbourhood where I hung out once a while. Viv, a rather interesting young woman ran the place and sold alcohol, Indian hemp and local gin among other stimulants men indulged in. She had always been fond of me and my friends and we usually had good conversation in between shots of local gin and puffs of smoke. I decided to confide in Viv, hoping she might be able to give me some good advice on what to do.
“How many months be the belle?” Viv asked after I narrated my ordeal to her.
I recalled the night BG and I had our first sexual intercourse; the one that had resulted in the pregnancy. It was a little over three weeks and I told Viv immediately. She simply laughed, took a puff of her joint and passed it to me. I declined with a nod of my head. That was the last thing I needed at that moment.
“Na that one dey make you fear?” she asked mockingly. “Na small thing be that now. If to say the belle don reach three or four months now, na wahala be that.”
I sighed gratefully and thanked the good winds that had blown me Viv’s way. She went on to prescribe the most ridiculous combination of items which included dry gin, alligator pepper, lime, Ampiclox tablets and some other stuff I can’t readily remember. I was asked to mix all these together and have BG swallow the mixture. Viv assured me that my woman would see her menses within two days. I thanked her profusely and left the place feeling much light-hearted.

That evening, we followed all the prescriptions and by the time the brew was ready, I tasted it and almost choked as it was a most nauseating concoction. However, the reality of our situation left us with no choice and BG managed to drink the potion, restraining herself from vomiting with great effort. I spent the entire night attending to her and trying to calm her down after the potion began to have its effect on her. By morning, things seemed much better and we patiently looked forward to the ‘flow’. Three days later, the situation had not changed and I was back at Viv’s. The woman was visibly shocked and told me she did not understand why the mixture had not worked. She asked if I was sure I had followed her exact prescriptions and I assured her I had. She enquired further if I was indeed sure my girlfriend was not over three months pregnant as that would have been the only exception to the efficacy of the concoction. When I insisted my woman was just about three weeks pregnant, she simply shrugged and advised us to go for an abortion. I realized this meant deep trouble. I had decided earlier on that I would not want to have BG go for an abortion as I greatly feared it could lead to unexpected results. I had heard many stories of the unpleasant outcomes of abortion such as complications, damaging of the womb or even death and I was not ready to take that risk. That was the major reason I had gone to Viv in the first place. At the same time, I could not bear the risk of having BG keep the pregnancy as it would put us both in a most embarrassing and damning situation. Now, Viv’s suggestions had failed and we seemed to be running out of time. By my calculation, BG was now four weeks pregnant.

We waited for another two weeks, hoping that somehow by a miracle, her menses would suddenly return and the pregnancy would be history but nothing of such happened. I observed BG closely but noticed no significant changes in her body and neither did anyone within her immediate family as she admitted. However, we realized we needed to do something about the situation as soon as possible. By the sixth week of her pregnancy, we finally decided to go ahead with the abortion. I had great fears and so did BG but we convinced ourselves that we would face a worse situation if her family found out that she was pregnant or if mine got wind of the fact that I had gotten a girl pregnant. I had a deep fear of the unknown and as such I decided I would not take BG for an abortion without someone from her home being involved. The lot fell on Cher, her immediate elder sister, a fun-loving girl who would be able to keep a secret. The one hurdle however remained how we would convince Cher to be a part of our plan.

SEE YOU IN THE NEXT EPISODE OF THE GEEBEE CHRONICLES.

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EPISODE 31 – JACKPOT!

As I write this post, the FIFA World Cup in South Africa is on and the much anticipated match between Nigeria and Argentina in Group B is underway. Presently, Argentina leads by a lone goal, courtesy of a carelessly conceded goal resulting from a well taken Argentinean corner. Mehn, I had to bounce immediately after the ball went into our net but my ears are pinned to the commentator’s comments emitting loudly from my TV a few feet away. I’ve had to rush off from my laptop screen to the TV like once or twice thanks to the hypertension-generating sounds. I hate watching games of this nature, especially when it’s the Super Eagles playing. Somehow I’m not a big fan of the Super Eagles, probably because I always feel they’d disappoint and they sure do times without number. I know it sounds unpatriotic but I’d rather spend hours and millions of cash watching Arsenal rather than watch the Super Eagles play. Anyways, it’s not that Arsenal FC have been doing great lately. Hopefully, the Super Eagles would prove me wrong today and overturn the deficit. It’s about 33 minutes now and anything can happen, right?

What comes to your mind when you imagine the term, ‘Jackpot’? At first thought, one would imagine hitting a big prize in a casino or the lottery or some good luck situation. The thing about a ‘jackpot’ is the fact it is usually unexpected. Of course that’s the fun in the whole show – the suspense! However, hitting the jackpot could come in varying forms, positive or negative. Some guys in my part of the world also have a funny way of defining ‘jackpot’. We’ll come to that point shortly.

Before long, I was over ST even though I still hoped in my mind that things had turned out differently, it felt good to be free of her. I finally convinced myself to give my relationship with BG a try and things started working out pretty well. We got much closer and towards the end of October 2006, we finally broke the jinx. We had sex, as in real sex. Surprisingly, the experience did not turn out to be as horrific as I had thought it would be, especially considering our ordeal on our failed first attempt. On that fateful day, we both knew in our hearts that we were ready and so we released ourselves to the flow. I had a second thought and probably a third as well about going ahead to take BG’s virginity but she was willing to give it to me this time. The guilt I had always felt about my seeming greed and inconsiderate nature was no longer there and even though the experience was a brief one, it was one that remained forever etched in my memory and hers, I believe. Of course, the blood and the pain were part of the experience but there was a lot more mature tone to it and I felt no regrets of any kind. I had to confirm her feelings about it and I was glad to hear an affirmative report. She was equally glad it had happened. That was probably the defining point of our relationship and at that moment, I was convinced we would last longer than I had ever envisaged, although I had no long term plans in mind. I had turned twenty-one the previous July and I still believed I had nine years to go before jumping into the marriage boat.

However, less than a week after the incident, a strange feeling suddenly beclouded me. I felt there was something wrong somewhere but I couldn’t quite place a finger on it. I spoke with BG on phone a couple of times during that period and she seemed perfect. After a serious soul-searching and finding nothing out of the ordinary, I managed to relax. The unpleasant feeling nevertheless persisted and I convinced myself that it was probably a mood swing that would sort itself out in due course. I had been used to mood swings all my adolescent life and it was hardly unusual for a boy like me who happened to come from a broken home. I quickly shrugged off the feeling, suppressing it to the best of my ability.


By the first week of November, I felt curious and asked BG if she had seen her period lately. I have always been a very overly inquisitive person and I practically knew the dates BG had her periods, even before we ever had sex and from my calculations, she had a near perfect cycle. The distance between her periods hardly ever exceeded twenty eight or twenty nine days and I came to learn that was a most perfect situation for a girl. BG was totally unaware I studied that much about her personality and we had an inside joke where I would usually predict her periods and they would come exactly when I had predicted or at best a day earlier or later. But this time, she told me she was expecting the ‘flow’ that weekend. It was a Tuesday and I recalled her last period had come exactly twenty nine days before. The Friday of that week would have implied a thirty-two day gap which was pretty unusual for her. She did not realize this nor did she seem to be bothered and I could not express my concern on the issue to her. I hoped in my heart that the ‘flow’ would come by the weekend as she had predicted.

The weekend came and I decided to give my heart a rest. I did not call her all through, deciding to call her on Monday, hoping that she would have been heavy with the flow by then and thus give my heart a big lift. She spared me the wait by calling me on Sunday to tell me she was still yet to ‘see her period’ as she put it. I felt a sudden chill pass through me. I did not want to believe she could be pregnant. She was too innocent, too naïve, too ‘small’ to get pregnant for heaven’s sake. Besides, it had only been one act. She had been a virgin until then and were virgins supposed to get pregnant on the first attempt? I had a million questions running through my head but no answers were forthcoming. I thought of the consequences that awaited me if my worst fears were confirmed. I would break my mother’s heart. My father would probably kill me. I would be an object of scorn and the laughing stock of all the girls I had previously dated, rebuffed or treated badly. My friends would be disappointed in me. Sam would have the last laugh. The last point had me wondering deeply. My relationship with Sam had lost its previous spark ever since BG and I began dating and what would he say or think after hearing that I had gotten BG pregnant. The situation was crazy. Plain crazy!

I quickly calmed myself down and decided there was probably an explanation for what was happening. What if BG’s body system was adjusting to her new status as an ex-virgin? Maybe girls were expected to have changes on their menstrual cycle after they started having sex. What if God was trying to test me? What if BG was trying to test me? Perhaps she had ‘seen her period’ already and was just pulling my leg. I held on strongly to the last thought and hoped to God that it was the situation. I realized however that BG was not one for making such jokes. Ordinarily, she would have called me with excitement at the first sight of blood she spotted. However, I prayed this case was an exception and I struggled desperately not to get drowned in my fear. I convinced BG that her body system was probably adjusting and things would be okay. I asked her to relax even though my heart was completely on fire. I did not ever mention anything as regards a possibility of pregnancy to her. I was glad she was reassured by my words. It was best not to let her realize how scared I was, I decided.

By mid-week the situation was the same and I began contemplating she went for a pregnancy test. She called me on Thursday and that phone call was the beginning of severe trauma. I was in class when the call came in and I had to sneak out to take it.
“Geebee, I need to see you urgently” she said in a most sullen voice that clearly showed that all was not well. I sensed there was danger but composed myself.
“Really? I’m in class right now. What’s the matter? Don’t you have lectures today?” I asked, desperately trying to conceal the apprehension I felt.
“Please, leave whatever you’re doing and come now. I’m on my way to your place” she said before ending the call abruptly. I had heard a sob underneath her tone before the line went dead and I needed no one to tell me the bubble had burst.

I made it to my house in record time to find BG sitting in front of my house looking like she was carrying the world on her shoulders and indeed she was at that moment.
“How are you?” I asked calmly. I knew the look on my face was far from reassuring this time. I had grown tired of trying to show a strength that really wasn’t there. BG simply sighed and reached into her bag and produced a folded piece of paper which she offered me. I needed no soothsayer to tell me what it was. I sat beside her and collected the paper. It was a lab test result and as I opened it, I spotted the word ‘POSITIVE’ clearly written in the HCG/Pregnancy column. I heaved a deep sigh. I was undone at last. I had hit the jackpot at a very wrong time. Only God would help me.

SEE YOU IN THE NEXT EPISODE OF THE GEEBEE CHRONICLES

PS – The match is over and the Super Eagles could not at least try to salvage a point. Argentina 1, Nigeria 0. Tragic! Hope y’all have a wonderful World Cup experience.

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