EPISODE 52 – SEEING THE FUTURE?

If there is any spiritual gift I seriously crave for, it is the gift of prophecy; the ability to be able to see or predict the future. Now, I don’t mean predictions that don’t come true or those that come true in parts, leaving people skeptical on whether a prediction was actually truly inspired or was just guesswork. For instance, I know of some preachers in my nation who have made predictions (or prophecies) on a lot of issues ranging from ‘being instructed by God to run for political positions’ to things that would happen in the economy, the death of political figures etc. Unfortunately, so many of these predictions never came true and I’m forced to wonder if indeed the ‘gifts of prophecy’ these men were supposed to possess had somehow gone soft or something.

Source

Recently, it was alleged that another preacher predicted the outcome of the final of the Champions League match. I watched that match and I honestly have to admit that I was ready to laugh at the prophecy once the game was over. Reason: From all indications during that game, it hardly looked like the prediction would come true. The team that was foreseen as the winner was seriously outplayed and they were at a disadvantage by all standards – going into the game, during the game and even during the resulting penalty shootout – but alas, the prophecy/prediction came true and I’ve been in awe ever since.

Now, I’m not implying that the alleged prophecy/prediction makes the preacher a superman or something but that feat actually got him trending on Twitter for two days in a row and I laughed my butt out at the numerous posts that were hash tagged with this preacher’s identity and the funny questions that were thrown at him regarding events that would happen in the future. The reactions were further influenced by the fact that this man had once predicted that the national team wouldn’t make it to the Nations Cup and indeed they did not. Now, with these prophetic achievements, why won’t people literally make this man the Nigerian version of Nostradamus? I have begun to wish I could be Geebeestradamus and indeed see the future and all that would happen. If only I could see the future, I would take advantage of a lot of situations and likewise avoid a lot more. Life would be perfect! I’ll keep praying anyway and maybe I’ll get my wish someday.

The phenomenon called regret comes about when sometime in the future we wish we had taken or not taken certain actions. If we had an idea of what would happen if we did some things, we would know better to do or not do a lot of things. Unfortunately, life is not meant to be that way so we are stuck with making our decisions guided by our personal experiences or those of others among other factors. Usually, we have a voice in our heads that either propels us to do some things or warns us against it. The strength of that voice is usually a function of the personality of the individual and while it is highly active in some people, it is inactive in others. Usually, every time we disobey that voice, it gets weaker and ultimately loses its effect. I believe that voice could be sometimes referred to as our conscience.

As much as the voice in my head warned me against venturing into the Yahoo-Yahoo business, I constantly resisted and tried to justify my actions and before long, the voice hardly mattered to me. In fact it was barely audible to my spiritual ears. I was deeply involved now and things were beginning to look up. With five magas and counting, prospective ones in the works, a new partner and more prospects I was yet to actualize, I could not imagine quitting at that stage. I had since decided I would not do it forever but I was not as convinced about that resolve as I was at inception. However, with my firing of Nuel as my partner and Cher’s entry, things took a totally different dimension and if indeed I could see the future, I would have simply held on to Nuel or better still, quit the business altogether. It was a wrong way of life, anyway! Like I didn’t know!

I had only met Cher on about three occasions and spoken with her on phone prior to the commencement of our partnership so naturally, I felt a little clumsy around her for many reasons. One, she was my pregnant girlfriend’s sister. Two, she was quite breathtaking in her own way. Of course, I had met more beautiful girls but Cher had a confidence about her in her carriage and speech that seemed to accentuate her beauty. Three, she had a serious attitude problem. Unfortunately, as much as I would have loved to put her where she belonged with a good deal of tongue-lashing, I couldn’t. I figured BG and I owed her. She, it was who had lent her moral support while we attempted to terminate the pregnancy even though I had to overlook her irritating behaviour all the while. Furthermore, she had been the one who broke the story to her eldest sister and saved BG the stress of having to do it herself. One way or the other, we owed her and I was sure she was the kind of lady who wouldn’t hesitate to rub that fact in. Four, she was four years older than I was and that fact made me understand that it would be difficult to relate with her just as a partner. There would be a number of issues I would have to bear with and I would have to maintain an extra measure of calmness with her.

As promised, within a week, I had the drivers’ license ready with her picture and the cover-up name I had been using for my magas. I was to be the brain and ‘fingers’ of the business empire and she was to be the face and voice. I was amused at Cher’s excitement when I visited the house and gave her the ID.

“Wow! This is cool. So, I’m officially AY now, right? BG, check this out!”

BG collected the ID and surveyed it.

“I wish I wasn’t in this condition.” She said, referring to her bulging tummy. “I would have been the one in this ID.”

I smiled. “If you weren’t in this condition, this ID would never have existed in the first place.” I said sarcastically.

We laughed and while BG and Cher chatted away, I sat in silence and allowed my gaze to stray to the bulging tummy. The pregnancy was closing on six months and again, I was reminded I was going to become a father in another three months. I would have traded everything to be spared of that eventuality – even my ‘business empire’! I had been praying secretly that a miscarriage of some sort would happen but nothing of such was yet to happen.

“So what’s the first mission, Geebee dear?” Cher said, interrupting my thoughts.

I hesitated before responding. “Well, I chatted with Dean yesterday and promised to give him my phone details tonight.”

“That would be my number, right?” she asked.

“Yes. It’s going to be your number but not your regular phone number.”

I reached into my pocket and brought out a sim pack.

“Here, I got you a new line. You’ll only use it to receive his calls and any other calls from any future magas.”

“Magas?” BG asked.

I was about to explain when Cher cut in. “Those are the fools we are going to be duping, silly!”

I winced. She never had to make it sound so bad, I mentally noted.

“Or am I wrong?” she probed, lightly poking me in the side. “You’re right” I said.

“So I’m going to give you updates whenever I chat with whoever is going to call you just so you know how to respond on phone.”

“Wow, this is gonna be so cool. I can’t wait.”

“Meanwhile, we have some money to go and pick up now. That’s why I brought the license anyway.”

One of my latest magas, Prakash, an Indian in U.K had sent me £100 the previous day.

“Can I come with you guys?” BG asked morosely.

“Are you sure you want to come?” I asked after a moment of hesitation.

She nodded. “I’m bored here. I just want to go out with you. Nobody knows me around here anyway.”

I sighed and was about to speak when Cher cut in.

“No way. If she’s coming with us like this, then I’m not going anywhere.” She said pointedly.
By ‘this’, she meant BG’s protruding tummy. I was too stunned to speak.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” BG lashed at her sister. “If not for this pregnancy, do you think we would even need you for anything?”

“Oh really? Okay, fine then! I quit!”

To my utmost shock, she threw the license at me and stormed out of the living room.

“Yes! Get out! We don’t need you.” BG screamed after her angrily.

I picked up the license and relaxed in the chair. I sighed and closed my eyes for a while. What the hell was going on? I wondered.

“So what do we do now?” I said after a few minutes.

“She’s too full of herself.” BG lashed out.

“But we need her, you know.”

“I don’t care!”

I wanted to yell at her. I wanted to curse her for putting me in such a situation. I wanted to tell her that if not for her pregnancy, I wouldn’t even have thought about going into the damned illegal business! I wanted to tell her to go to hell along with her sisters and her entire family! I wanted to go into the room after Cher, beat her silly and storm out of the house! I wanted to do so many things but I didn’t.

Thirty minutes later, the three of us were on our way to a nearby bank that had Western Union Money Transfer facilities. I had been able to pacify the two sisters and Cher had grudgingly accepted that BG accompanied us. Cher had asked to come along with me to the café the next day so she could ‘experience the action firsthand’ and I agreed. BG did not ask to come along this time and I was glad to avoid another sisterly scuffle. As we entered the banking hall, I wondered if bringing Cher into the business was the right thing to do. Unfortunately, I had no powers to see the future and had to rely on the passage of time to know for sure.

SEE YOU IN THE NEXT EPISODE OF THE GEEBEE CHRONICLES

Read More

EPISODE 51 – A NEW PARTNER-IN-CRIME

Every businessperson has a major motive for doing what they do and usually, it is to make profit. Generally, profit refers to the difference between the cost incurred and the revenue realized in a business venture. Back in University as a student of Economics, I learnt that at the initial stage of business, it tends to be difficult to make profit and as such, the aim of the businessperson would be to minimize cost. All costs incurred (financial, physical and mental) must be put into consideration to determine the profitability of a venture and from time to time, some unnecessary costs must be cut off if a business is to survive. I understand the cost of running the Nigerian economy – payment of the salaries of officers at the three tiers of government and all other parastatals – is put at about 70% of the budget. In my opinion, this is a most ridiculous situation. Why would you spend almost three-quarters of the business funds on administration? If the Nigerian economy was a business venture, it would definitely be bankrupt by now. ECO 101. Class dismissed!

In Episode 49, I mentioned that, at the brink of losing the money that I was yet to even touch, I resorted to bringing my friend, Nuel into the picture. Reason:

Source

Receiving money via Western Union required the receiver to have all or at least one of a national drivers’ license, an international passport or a national identity card. Nuel had the required form of identification and I had none. The bromance was cool while it lasted and he proved to be a good partner-in-crime. He received the payments on my behalf without any hassles and of course I had to ‘settle’ him for his services. It was the settlement issue that was responsible for the ECO 101 lesson earlier. At a point, the cost became unbearable. I was paying him well for his services and Nuel practically became my follow-buddy, going everywhere with me much to my chagrin.

I now had good money to spend so it was always a fun galore every night. My usual hangout was Liberia, a cool spot in my neighbourhood where everything fun you could imagine was abundant – from ear-splitting music to fish and meat peppersoup, barbecue, suya, beer, wines, local gins, marijuana and prostitutes; you name it and you would find it in Liberia. The place was called Liberia because it was a settlement of Liberian refugees and they had taken their future in their hands in the ways they knew how to. I would call a few friends to join me and we would blow some good money. Of course I always footed the bills. Nuel was always with me and on a good number of occasions whenever I decided to take a girl home to spend the night, Nuel would get one too and you could guess who paid the bills again. Before long, I was feeling like a maga and I decided to shop for a new accomplice so I could fire Nuel. There was no room for sentiments and I hid under the great Donald Trump’s philosophy: ‘It’s nothing personal. It’s just business’. Business was for profit and I couldn’t afford to keep Nuel in my payroll. Retaining his services had become too expensive for me.

Like a good businessman, I began to consider the qualities I would want in my new associate. There were a number of factors to consider. At that moment, I had three steady magas who were sure to continue paying for a while, probably until the scales fell off their eyes. There were prospective ones too. I was also bothered about the ‘face’ of my budding ‘business empire’. I knew it was only a matter of time before the face of the model would be discovered as a fraud and the pressures from Miles Peck to communicate with him on webcam was gradually becoming overbearing. He wished to see the beautiful AY he had fallen in love with and how was I to let him know there was no AY? Dean Flank had sent me his phone number and asked that I call him because he wanted to hear my voice. How was I to do that? With my sonorous masculine voice? Hell no! Luke Pine was due in Ghana for his medical conference in a few weeks and had promised to come see me in Lagos. He even promised to send me money to book a nice hotel for us to stay for three days. I had suggested Eko Hotel. Time and time again, I wished I was really the model in the picture. My bright future would have been settled for good! My options were indeed juicy and I could only imagine what it would feel like to be actually married to any of the trio – Miles Peck, an engineer, Dean Flank, a University professor or Luke Pine, a medical doctor. I wished the experience was indeed for real.

I realized however that my days were numbered with these men. I couldn’t possibly keep up with the lie for too long especially with the pressures of requesting to see my face or hear my voice. I began to focus on the future and decided to get a new face to work together with the model, acting as the voice and the webcam face if ever there was the need. BG would have been the most natural choice considering our relationship. However, her pregnancy made it impossible to get her involved. When I initially intimated her about my new line of business, she didn’t hide her fear one bit.

“What? Yahoo-Yahoo!” she echoed in shock. “What if you get caught?”

I had shrugged. “Well, you just pray I don’t. What else do you expect me to do with the pressures from you and your people?”

BG fell silent and I felt lighter pointing it out to her that I wasn’t doing this because I felt like doing it but because she had put me in that situation.

“Geebee, can’t you think of anything else to do meanwhile?”

“Of course I can and that’s what I’ve been doing so far? Whatever I make legitimately can barely cater for me; talk less of considering you and this pregnancy.”

She sighed in frustration and I couldn’t care less. In fact, I found it easy to hate her so much then. Why did she have to get pregnant and put me in such a situation? Her family’s reaction to the entire situation further enraged me, especially her eldest sister, Mrs. Oki’s constant naggings which were yet to cease. Eventually, I convinced her to agree with me in my new ‘business line’; not that she had a choice anyway. She wouldn’t have expected me to go and get money from trees to take care of her and her pregnancy!

When I broached the subject of my ‘face’ dilemma and the considerations, she was very cooperative.

“I can make and receive the calls so long as you brief me early enough on what you guys chat about,” she offered.

I agreed. We still had one more hurdle however. For future magas, I needed to cover the ‘webcam’ loophole.

“But you can’t possibly show your face on the webcam” I pointed out.

Indeed, she couldn’t. She couldn’t even dare venture out of her sister’s house. Her pregnancy was still a secret to most people and I preferred it remained that way.

“Cher can help.” BG said.

It was another ‘lightbulb-turned-on-in-my-head’ experience. Yeah right! Cher had proved herself in the past while we attempted the abortion and she had also helped us break the news to their eldest sister. She was smart and equally stunning. She could not hold a candle to my model but I would simply have to make do with her. Fortunately, Cher came in shortly after and when I threw the proposition to her, she was elated.

“Wow! Count me in. I love adventures like this,” she said excitedly. “I’m glad it’s not the case of another phantom pregnancy you guys need me for this time around.”

I sighed in relief and thought about Nuel who had just been officially replaced. I dismissed the sentiments immediately. The business had to move forward.

I briefed Cher about everything from start to finish. I told her I would get her a drivers’ license bearing the ‘cover name’ and she would be the one to receive any payments from the magas. By the time I stopped talking; Cher had a look on her face I had never seen before. She was staring at me like I was some enigma.

“You are one smart guy, Geebee. My sister is so lucky to have you and I envy her,” she said sweetly. She still had her gaze fixed on me.

I simply smiled and looked at BG. She was smiling too.

I realized Cher had a point there. Her sister still had me but as far as I was concerned, it was only for a while, at least until the baby was born. I was no fool and would never be tied down to any woman because of an unfortunate pregnancy. However, something about Cher’s words sounded a little beyond a mere compliment and no one else except me seemed to have noticed this. Perhaps it was just my stupid imaginations at work, I told myself. I sighed again. My ‘business empire’ was back on track.

SEE YOU IN THE NEXT EPISODE OF THE GEEBEE CHRONICLES

Read More