IF I WERE A B . . .

I remember the first time I heard Beyonce's 'If I were a boy'. That song seemed to make a lot of sense initially but then, in the same manner the most interesting routines tend to get boring over time, the song soon began to irritate the hell out of me. I began to feel like 'If you were a boy and you would do this or that, who cares?' Would it bring down the price of garri? Besides, such wishes or dreams were best left unexpressed. If Beyonce really wanted to be a boy, it wasn't impossible. We have transgenderists all over the place so why sing about it and keep it as a wish. 

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She's got the money to make that happen anyway so why not get on with it and spare me all that crap. Anyways, that was just my anger talking . . . my anger at JayZ for being the one to sweep a princess like Beyonce off her feet when there were finer looking guys like me out there. Yes! I reiterate. I am way, way, way finer than JayZ! (Like, the guy is even fine at all!) But then, like Beyonce's wish wouldn't likely ever happen, that wish of mine (if it ever was one) was definitely a wild dream. 

Well, I heard some news sometime last week that I'm still yet to recover from. Now, y'all know normally I don't do gossip and all of that (If I ever tried that, it would take me several lifetimes to get to where the likes of Bella and Linda are) but I just had to talk about this because it affected me personally. In fact I haven't been the same ever since. On a positive note however, the experience taught me one or two things about life and the fact that no one is invincible. I wouldn't necessarily call myself 'overly religious' (Like, the word even exists) but I am someone who believes in and loves God with all of my being. In my little time on earth, God has shown me what it truly feels like to have a father. He's been a father in more ways than I can imagine. Well, that's a story for another day. However, if you've followed 'The Geebee Chronicles' series, you'd be able to have a little understanding of what I mean. Now back to my personality. I have always craved the knowledge of God in more ways than I can remember, right from the days of my childhood when I did so blindly and in my naiveté even till the days when I went so far away from him and indulged myself in the most unimaginable vices possible. Yet, deep inside me, I constantly felt that longing for him and that call of a father to a runaway son. Thankfully, I found my way back and keep finding that path that shines day by day.

In my quest for God, I have had cause to study the Bible, volumes of Christian literature, religious books and listened to teachers of the word of God. In fact, I have a few preachers I label as my special ones - both here in Nigeria and internationally. These men and women have helped in a great deal to shape my understanding of deep spiritual things and while I wouldn't claim any of them to be perfect, I make bold to label them as my mentors of some sort. Pastor B happens to be one of my top ten in that regard. I have sat under his ministration a number of times and even in absentia, I could spend thousands of naira buying his tapes and CDs and I never ever feel the same after listening to him even when I have to listen over and over again. He is one of the men of God I respect, and trust me, there ain’t too many of them. Now, imagine my shock when I read Ese Walter’s story and the follow-up stories and buzzes all over the social networks. All I could think to myself was ‘Why Pastor B?’ ‘It shouldn’t be him’. ‘Wow! This is sad!’ ‘No, it can’t be true’ etc. I guess I felt and still feel this way because of the sentimental attachment I have towards him. Now, I’m trying to put myself in his shoes and imagine what I would do if I were in ‘the eye of the storm’ as it’s been touted around hence the title, ‘If I were a B . . .’

The first scenario of course would be if the stories being peddled around were not true. If I were a B . . . I would:

-     Cry my eyes out for hours days asking God ‘Why me?’, and like Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane, plead with God to let this cup pass over me. Haba! If this was supposed to be a trial of faith, mehn, that’s pretty tough, don’t you think?

-      Come out openly to deny the story and not ‘decide to keep silent’, well, except if God actually tells me to. After all, God told the children of Israel to ‘stand still and see his salvation’.

-       Comfort my wife and stay strong for her. Y’all know women are so chicken-hearted in situations like this and they tend to feel the shock more than men. Even Sarah, Abraham’s wife got to a point where she was ready to give up and take the easy way out through Hagar, her slave. Come on! Don’t stare like that. Go and read your bibles joor! lol

-   Keep praying to God for my accusers (now, that’s a difficult one) that God should touch their hearts and make them repent of the evil they were doing. Remember, on the cross, our Lord, Jesus Christ asked God to forgive those who crucified him for they know not what they do. Although, in the deepest recesses of my heart, I would want to be like Elijah and call down fire from heaven to consume those false accusers.

These are a few of the things I would do if I were a B . . . and the stories aren’t true! But then, like Beyonce noted, I am not a B . . .

Now, on to the second scenario. If the stories are actually true . . . deep sigh! I wouldn’t even want to be a B . . . in the first place in that case! If I were a B . . . then I would:

-  Act like David did after he had Uriah killed, and took his wife and was rebuked by       God’s prophet. I would cry out to God for days the rest of my life if I have to, for his mercy. I would spread before him in sackcloth and ashes and fast and pray for as long as my spirit can bear for him to have mercy on me and restore me to right standing with him.

-  Make an open confession and ask for the forgiveness of my wife and for her prayers and support too. In fact, it would be at a time like this that her support would mean the world to me.

-  Ask for the forgiveness of my false accusers (oh, they wouldn’t be false in this scenario,    would they?) and make any appropriate restitution.

-  Ask for the forgiveness of my followers and like the prodigal son, tell them I am no longer worthy to be their Shepherd and they should also pray for me that God would have mercy on me.

-   Hand over my church to capable hands and proceed on a soul-searching journey of at least one year, preferably outside my immediate location to go and get myself back on track with God and await his directives on what next to do.

These and much more are some of the things I would do if I were a B . . . but then, I am not a B . . .

As the wise ones say, it is he that wears the shoes that knows where it hurts the most. Like Beyonce’s song, all I have noted above are just gibberish. I have to be in the shoes to know what I would actually do. However, I need to stress the fact that we should understand that no man regardless of how powerful and anointed is a superman. We are mere men (and women) and are susceptible to vices of all sorts. It is only the grace of God that keeps us from falling. Let he that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he falls. 1 Cor. 10:12

How was that for a comeback post? It feels good to be back in these parts again. I hope to stay around for a while. I promise to drop the concluding parts of ‘TO LOVE AND TO CHERISH’ in subsequent posts. Thanks for keeping faith with a runaway blogger like me. Cheers!

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