I remember the first time I heard
Beyonce's 'If I were a boy'. That song seemed to make a lot of sense initially
but then, in the same manner the most interesting routines tend to get boring
over time, the song soon began to irritate the hell out of me. I began to feel
like 'If you were a boy and you would do this or that, who cares?' Would it
bring down the price of garri? Besides, such wishes or dreams were best left
unexpressed. If Beyonce really wanted to be a boy, it wasn't impossible. We
have transgenderists all over the place so why sing about it and keep it as a
wish.
She's got the money to make that happen anyway so why not get on with it
and spare me all that crap. Anyways, that was just my anger talking . . . my
anger at JayZ for being the one to sweep a princess like Beyonce off her feet
when there were finer looking guys like me out there. Yes! I reiterate. I am
way, way, way finer than JayZ! (Like, the guy is even fine at all!) But then,
like Beyonce's wish wouldn't likely ever happen, that wish of mine (if it ever
was one) was definitely a wild dream.
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Well, I heard some news sometime last week
that I'm still yet to recover from. Now, y'all know normally I don't do gossip
and all of that (If I ever tried that, it would take me several lifetimes to
get to where the likes of Bella and Linda are) but I just had to talk about
this because it affected me personally. In fact I haven't been the same ever
since. On a positive note however, the experience taught me one or two things
about life and the fact that no one is invincible. I wouldn't necessarily call
myself 'overly religious' (Like, the word even exists) but I am someone who
believes in and loves God with all of my being. In my little time on earth, God
has shown me what it truly feels like to have a father. He's been a father in
more ways than I can imagine. Well, that's a story for another day. However, if
you've followed 'The Geebee Chronicles' series, you'd be able to have a little
understanding of what I mean. Now back to my personality. I have always craved
the knowledge of God in more ways than I can remember, right from the days of
my childhood when I did so blindly and in my naiveté even till the days when I
went so far away from him and indulged myself in the most unimaginable vices
possible. Yet, deep inside me, I constantly felt that longing for him and that
call of a father to a runaway son. Thankfully, I found my way back and keep
finding that path that shines day by day.
In my quest for God, I have had cause to
study the Bible, volumes of Christian literature, religious books and listened
to teachers of the word of God. In fact, I have a few preachers I label as my
special ones - both here in Nigeria and internationally. These men and women
have helped in a great deal to shape my understanding of deep spiritual things
and while I wouldn't claim any of them to be perfect, I make bold to label them
as my mentors of some sort. Pastor B happens to be one of my top ten in that
regard. I have sat under his ministration a number of times and even in absentia,
I could spend thousands of naira buying his tapes and CDs and I never ever feel
the same after listening to him even when I have to listen over and over
again. He is one of the men of God I respect, and trust me, there ain’t
too many of them. Now, imagine my shock when I read Ese Walter’s story and the
follow-up stories and buzzes all over the social networks. All I could think to
myself was ‘Why Pastor B?’ ‘It shouldn’t be him’. ‘Wow! This is sad!’ ‘No, it
can’t be true’ etc. I guess I felt and still feel this way because of the
sentimental attachment I have towards him. Now, I’m trying to put myself in his
shoes and imagine what I would do if I were in ‘the eye of the storm’ as it’s been
touted around hence the title, ‘If I were a B . . .’
The first scenario of course would be if
the stories being peddled around were not true. If I were a B . . . I would:
- Cry
my eyes out for hours days asking God ‘Why me?’, and like Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane, plead with God to let this cup pass over me. Haba! If
this was supposed to be a trial of faith, mehn, that’s pretty tough, don’t you
think?
- Come
out openly to deny the story and not ‘decide to keep silent’, well, except if
God actually tells me to. After all, God told the children of Israel to ‘stand
still and see his salvation’.
- Comfort
my wife and stay strong for her. Y’all know women are so chicken-hearted in
situations like this and they tend to feel the shock more than men. Even Sarah,
Abraham’s wife got to a point where she was ready to give up and take the easy
way out through Hagar, her slave. Come on! Don’t stare like that. Go and read
your bibles joor! lol
- Keep
praying to God for my accusers (now, that’s a difficult one) that God should touch
their hearts and make them repent of the evil they were doing. Remember, on the
cross, our Lord, Jesus Christ asked God to forgive those who crucified him for
they know not what they do. Although, in the deepest recesses of my heart, I
would want to be like Elijah and call down fire from heaven to consume those
false accusers.
These are a few of the things I would do
if I were a B . . . and the stories aren’t true! But then, like Beyonce noted,
I am not a B . . .
Now, on to the second scenario. If the stories
are actually true . . . deep sigh! I wouldn’t even want to be a B . . . in
the first place in that case! If I were a B . . . then I would:
- Act
like David did after he had Uriah killed, and took his wife and was rebuked by God’s prophet. I would cry out to God for days the rest of my life if I
have to, for his mercy. I would spread before him in sackcloth and ashes and
fast and pray for as long as my spirit can bear for him to have mercy on me and
restore me to right standing with him.
- Make an open confession and ask for the
forgiveness of my wife and for her prayers and support too. In fact, it would
be at a time like this that her support would mean the world to me.
- Ask
for the forgiveness of my false accusers (oh, they wouldn’t be false in
this scenario, would they?) and make any appropriate restitution.
- Ask for the forgiveness of my followers and
like the prodigal son, tell them I am no longer worthy to be their Shepherd and
they should also pray for me that God would have mercy on me.
- Hand
over my church to capable hands and proceed on a soul-searching journey of at
least one year, preferably outside my immediate location to go and get myself
back on track with God and await his directives on what next to do.
These and much more are some of the things
I would do if I were a B . . . but then, I am not a B . . .
As the wise ones say, it is he that wears
the shoes that knows where it hurts the most. Like Beyonce’s song, all I have
noted above are just gibberish. I have to be in the shoes to know what I would actually
do. However, I need to stress the fact that we should understand that no man
regardless of how powerful and anointed is a superman. We are mere men (and
women) and are susceptible to vices of all sorts. It is only the grace of God
that keeps us from falling. Let he that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he
falls. 1 Cor. 10:12
How was that for a comeback post? It feels
good to be back in these parts again. I hope to stay around for a while. I
promise to drop the concluding parts of ‘TO LOVE AND TO CHERISH’ in subsequent
posts. Thanks for keeping faith with a runaway blogger like me. Cheers!
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