EPISODE 47 – MAGAS DEY PAY!

My induction into the Yahoo-Yahoo world was hardly ceremonious. I had always envisaged this world as a cult of some sort where one was required to pass tests of all kinds and prove his loyalty to some higher power. Well, in actual fact, that happens especially when one moves up the ladder. I have heard of cases where people have resorted to voodoo and other extreme diabolic means to swindle people of their money. Those at this stage make thousands and hundreds of thousands of dollars, pounds or euros as the case may be. However, I was still at the lowest rung of the ladder and so I was confined to the crumbs. I didn’t mind as long as I got something. In fact, immediately I understood the vast possibilities in this illegal venture and the things I might be required to do as I ascended the hierarchy, I decided I would never wait that long. I just had to get enough money to see me through BG’s pregnancy and take care of any other financial obligations and I would be cool.

“Geebee, do you realize we could be millionaires in another one year?” Sam informed excitedly, as we began our preliminary work.

“Just think of this,” he continued. “If we make like a couple of hundreds of dollars for now, by next month, we could be making like a thousand plus. In another few months, we would be sending cheques and doing transfers here and there and that’s where the big bucks come in.”

I stared at my friend blankly. If only the guy knew why I was doing this, I thought. Sam seemed determined to make this venture his full-time job whereas I hated the fact that I would have to trick people and rob them of their hard-earned money. I might have been involved in numerous vices but I was not a thief! A voice in my head told me I was fooling myself.

“Sam, I think we should just do this for a while, get the little we can get from it and get out. It’s really not the best way of life.”

My friend looked at me as though I had just told him I slept with a crocodile.

“Are you serious? What is wrong with you, man?” He touched my shoulder tenderly. “This is a whole new world out here for us, a vast land for us to take over and you’re talking of just getting the little we can from it?” He shook his head disapprovingly. “I wonder why I told you about this. Bro, you’re breaking my heart!”

“Let’s face it, Sam” I began. “We will be swindling people of their hard-earned money. That’s stealing.”

“Of course it is,” Sam said angrily, trying to keep his voice down. “Who are we stealing from here? Not our own people. We are going to swindle white men, the same bastards that kept us in slavery for centuries . . .”

“Oh please!” I cut in, irritated at his revolutionary approach. I had to laugh and he joined me almost immediately.

“Was it you that was sold into slavery? Let’s not try to use that idea to justify this. What is wrong is wrong!”

Sam smiled and stared at me for a while. “So, are you saying you’re no longer interested?”

“Of course not! I’m only saying I don’t plan to do this forever.”

“Whatever man,” my friend said with a wave of his hand. “I’ll remind you one day when we begin counting our millions on how you said you didn’t want to do it forever.”

By the end of the first day, I had successfully registered my new profile on a dating site. I selected a random name, AY as my handle. I claimed I was 28 years old, a Nigerian and a writer working with a publishing outfit. I got about fifty pictures of a particular model from a modeling site. The model I selected as my face was a gorgeous African-American beauty. She was so stunning that I found myself fantasizing about her. It sounded pretty ironical that I was attracted to a face that was supposed to be mine. For a while I wondered how many other guys were using her face for the same purpose I was. I integrated my new profile into the dating platform and began to send multiple dating requests making my preferences male Caucasians between the ages of 45 and 70. Presido had schooled Sam and I that the older the men, the more lonely and liberal they were.

“Most white men you find on dating sites between the ages of 45 and 70 are desperate men who have either had their hearts broken at one time or the other or who have been through one or multiple divorces” Presido had informed.

“These men are only looking for young women who they could settle down with and retire with. Of course they also look out for good sex and believe black young women can give them all the pleasure they want. They won’t mind spending all they can to get such women.”

With these at the back of my mind, I went to work. Two days later, I was back at the café and checked my inbox for possible responses to my requests. I had sent about thirty requests to various Caucasian men previously. My inbox revealed that I had sixteen responses. I was elated! However, my excitement gradually waned as I opened each mail.

“I am not going to fall for any of your Nigerian scam. Get lost!” the first mail read.

“I have a woman already. Thank you for your offer” the second read.

“Go find another man to scam,” another read.

There were other responses that were far from encouraging and I was almost tempted to quit the entire thing right then. Most of the Caucasian men were not ready to date a supposedly beautiful Nigerian girl they believed could be a scammer. I could hardly blame them. My country had a reputation for its people being involved in high profile scams and only a few years before, it had been listed as the world’s second most corrupt nation. I was not surprised no white man wanted to date me. The eleventh mail brought a flicker of hope. The sender’s name was Miles Peck.

“Hello AY, thanks for contacting me. You are so beautiful and I would like to have you to myself forever. Please reply.”

I felt like break-dancing. All the discouragement I had previously felt over the earlier mails I had read disappeared in an instant. I replied immediately.

“Hello Miles, I am glad you responded. I believe we can go far with each other, God willing. I would love to know more about you and I’ll gladly tell you about myself too. All you need do is ask. I’ll be waiting. AY.”

I proceeded to read the unread mails. I encountered a few more unpleasant responses but I was not bothered. I got two more nice responses, one from Luke Pine and another from Dean Flank. I was encouraged and responded immediately. Before I sent the third response, I got another mail in my inbox. Miles Peck had responded! I read the mail immediately. He asked me to send more photos of me and if I wouldn’t mind chatting. I responded again, sending him my messenger handle. Ten minutes later, we were chatting.

Miles Peck was fifty-seven years old and a retired construction engineer now running his private firm. He had been divorced twice and had two children who were both long gone from home.

“My daughter is thirty one and my son is twenty-nine. They are both older than you in fact,” he said in our chat.

“Really?” I asked. “So do you mind dating someone young enough to be your daughter?”

“Of course not. My daughter would be glad to meet you in fact.”

I was excited. “Yeah, I would love to meet her too.”

“So can you come and meet me in New Jersey soon?”

I almost jumped. What? He was asking me to come meet him. I was about to tell him I’d love to when his chat line came in.

“I can pay for your ticket if you don’t have money,” he added.

“Really? That would be wonderful. I would have to think about it though.” I wrote in pretense.

“Come on, AY. I just want you to come and visit me for two weeks.”

As we chatted on, I felt like my head was in the clouds. It was hard to believe someone I just began chatting with was already falling heads over heels in love. Was the guy drunk? I wondered. However, he sent me a line that sobered me up for a while.

“I have heard a lot about Nigerians. I hope you are not a fraud.”

I wished I could tell him right then that I was not really the beautiful woman he thought I was but I was already way in over my head. I summoned courage and assured him I was none of such. In fact I told him I was not interested in him sending me any money just to get him off the scent. However, to my greatest surprise and delight, he persisted.

“I’ll send you three hundred dollars as a show of faith just to prove that I am indeed serious about you.”

I realized this had to be a dream; some serious dream. I promised to send him my contact details the next day and we ended the chat with me sending him an almost nude picture of the model. He went wide with excitement.

“I can’t wait to see you, AY!”

That very day, I chatted with Luke Pine and Dean Flank as well and more good luck followed. I had to spend an average of ten hours every day in the café for the next five days consolidating my contacts and making new ones. By the end of the week, I was sure the sky was not even my limit in the business. Unfortunately, Sam was yet to catch even one ‘maga’. I realized I was the luckiest Yahoo-Yahoo boy around.

SEE YOU IN THE NEXT EPISODE OF THE GEEBEE CHRONICLES.

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JUST A PHONE CALL

Hey fam. I've been going through a rather unpleasant experience for sometime now and the reality of the situation didn't quite hit me so strongly until some days back. I feel a little withdrawn to do the next episode on the series and so I simply dug into my archives and brought out this poem. I hope you love it. Enjoy.

JUST A PHONE CALL

You may always have me to miss

And we may never always kiss

But it will always be okay

Cos I’m just a phone call away



All you got to do is dial

And hold on a short while

So you can get a connection

And we can start our conversation



Try not to dial the wrong number

Or you might be calling a plumber

Then we’ll never have this call

And your words won’t pass the wall



When our phone lines get connected

We’ll both get so excited

We might be lost for words

You might even stare at the birds



I’ll tell you how I miss your lips

And how I love your sexy hips

I’ll tease you to so much laughter

And make you smile thereafter



I’ll tell you how much I miss you

And you’ll know it’s really true

I’ll tell you I’ll be with you soon

By May ending or early June



Hopefully we’ll talk for long

Especially if the network is strong

Hope you’ll have a charged phone battery

So I could tell my lottery story



The line might get disconnected

Network failure should be expected

Then you might have to try again

And I hope it won’t be in vain



I really don’t like being out here alone

And having to talk to you only on phone

You know I’m doing this just for us

I’ll soon walk through your front doors



Till then I’ll love you, my angel

And treasure you above every jewel

If you ever have anything to say

Remember I’m just a phone call away


THE GEEBEE CHRONICLES would continue in the next post! Thanks.

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EPISODE 46 – YAHOO-YAHOO!

I have observed over time that in Nigeria, we have a group of specially-coined informal expressions that are made up of double words. For instance, we hear words like jedi-jedi, jolly-jolly, chop-chop, talk-talk, lie-lie, thief-thief, copy-copy, follow-follow, play-play etc. You can add to the list if you prefer. I wonder if such expressions would lose their flavor if the first part is left plain without being repeated. For instance, why do I have to say, “Why you dey copy-copy?” when I could easily say, “Why you dey copy?” Well, that is what’s been handed down to us so who am I to try to change it now? After all, I no be changey-changey”. Lol. Meanwhile, what comes to your mind when you hear the expression ‘yahoo-yahoo’?

Sometime in 2002, Nigeria was listed as the second most corrupt country in the world and we remained in the top echelon of this list for the most part of that decade. Of course the indices used to determine this included the activities of the nation’s public sector and obviously the activities of its citizens too. As at December 2011 however, Transparency International ranked Nigeria somewhere between 40^th and 45^th on the list and today, Nigeria is said to be 130^th on the list if the media reports are to be believed. Personally, I am rather surprised at this development because I strongly believe the corruption in our nation has gotten worse. Perhaps more nations have gotten more corrupt since then and surpassed even our record.

During the last five years of the last decade, the activities of some people came to national and international awareness. These people have over the years successfully ‘scammed’ millions of Nigerians and foreigners and milked them of lots of money, thereby causing them untold hardship – financial, mental and emotional. These people are known as the ‘Yahoo-Yahoo boys’. They still exist today although their activities have been toned down to a great extent due to the watchful eyes of the EFCC, Interpol and other agencies set up to checkmate their illegal activities.

By April 2007, I was practically going insane with thoughts of my impending status change. I often wondered how I was going to survive being a father if the pregnancy period alone had such an effect on me. BG and her family hardly helped matters with their incessant demands and due to the fact that I did not want any of my parents to be burdened with any financial obligations as far as BG’s pregnancy was concerned, I bore all the responsibilities. However, I soon realized the pressure would kill me soon.

One fateful Sunday afternoon, I received a call from my friend, Sam. For a moment, I was scared to answer the call. It wasn’t as though we never spoke anymore but at that moment, I had crazy thoughts running through my mind. Was Sam aware of the situation? Had someone by any chance briefed him that his former girlfriend who was now dating his friend had gotten pregnant? Was he going to laugh at me? Was he going to condemn me? My head was about to explode when I summoned up courage to receive the call.
“Hey Sam, what’s up?” I said into the receiver in the calmest voice I could muster. I listened carefully to figure out if his response had any suspicious undertone.
“Geebee! What’s happening? Where are you, dawg?” Sam said in a most cheerful voice.
I relaxed a little. He didn’t sound unusual. That was a good sign, I decided.
“At home,” I answered.
“Can you come over to my end? There are some things I’d like to discuss with you.”

My heartbeat accelerated. Oh shit! He wanted to discuss ‘some things’ with me. He knew! I began to wonder how on earth he could have gotten to know about BG’s condition. It was a well-guarded secret. Even my closest friends were unaware of the situation. The only people known to me that were informed about the situation were BG’s sisters – Cher and Mrs. Oki – and my mom. BG was far away in Mrs. Oki’s place. So who could have told Sam about it? I decided I would not subject myself to unnecessary ridicule. If my friend wanted to berate me, he’d better come do it on my own turf, I decided.
“Why don’t you come over to my end?” I suggested.
“I would have loved to come but there’s one ‘runs’ I just got introduced to and I think it would be great if you were in on it as well. There’s good money involved, bro! The place where it’s gonna happen is just around my place.”
Had I heard him right? Good money was involved! I was definitely interested if it was about money. I needed all the money I could get before BG and her family drove me nuts for good! I wondered for a second if Sam was simply tricking me into coming over. It hardly seemed the case. I shrugged and decided to find out for myself.

An hour later, Sam and I sat with another guy in an internet café.
“Geebee, this is Presido. Presido, meet Geebee, my brova from another mother.” Sam had said when he introduced us.
Presido briefed us the about money-making scheme. He informed that we were going to sign up on some online dating sites posing as females and try to lure white men to fall in love with us and before long; we would be making some cool cash. The plan sounded ridiculous. How was I to pose as a female? I wondered. Presido seemed to read my thoughts as he opened a website on the computer screen before us. There were a good number of photos of extremely beautiful girls. The girls were so hot that I could almost imagine being with anyone of them just for a night.
“This will be you.” Presido said, clicking on one of the photos. Another page opened and a profile of the model he had clicked on was displayed on the screen. We saw about fifty more photos of this model and each photo was equally breathtaking.
“You’ll have to register a new email address specifically for this purpose and register with a dating site and save all the photos of this model. Once you catch your man, he will ask you for pictures every now and then and you would keep sending him any of these ones.”

Presido went on to explain how the process works and by the time he was through, my mind was made up. I was down for this. He informed us however that we were going to give him 50% of each of the first three payments we got from our ‘magas’ (A prospective victim was called ‘maga’). At that time, I wondered if I was ever going to even get one ‘maga’. Sam renegotiated for 30% and Presido agreed eventually. All that mattered to me at that time was giving the idea a shot and hoping I would be lucky.
“So, what do you think?” Sam asked as Presido left.
“Mehn, this is risky, don’t you think?” I said.
Sam laughed. “Bro, life itself is a risk jor! We need to get rich or die trying like 50 Cent.”
We laughed briefly. “Hope you know EFCC has started raiding cafes and picking up people involved in this kind of stuff,” I warned.
“Bro, take a look around you. Everyone here is a ‘Yahoo-Yahoo’ boy!”

For the first time, I looked around the café and noticed everyone busy on the computer systems. There were about thirty stations in the café and the people all seemed to be busy doing one thing or the other. I allowed my gaze wander from station to station and noticed people working with email extractor software, signing into modeling sites, dating sites and chatting on Yahoo messenger, Hotmail messenger and all other mediums. No one seemed to be doing anything legal. What in the world was I doing here? I wondered.
“The owner of this café himself is a top ‘Yahoo-Yahoo’ boy”, Sam continued. “The man has made money like crazy and in fact he’s contesting in the forthcoming Local Government elections.”
“Really?” I asked, dumbfounded.
“Yes bro!” my friend stressed. “This café is covered. The man has ‘settled’ all the authorities that could ever give us trouble. Presido told me that.”

I sighed. I knew I was about going into something crazy but I was convinced at that moment that I didn’t have a choice. I also realized I could well be on my way to achieving the highest level of financial comfort I could ever dream of. I had noticed a good number of flashy cars parked outside the café. The cars obviously belonged to the café’s patrons and I could just imagine myself owning one of such in no time. Besides, Presido had assured Sam and I that what we were about to do was just a tip of the iceberg. I recalled his words:
“For now, you guys would be making like five hundred dollars or thereabout per deal but when you get into the real thing, you could be making as much as five to ten thousand dollars per deal or more depending on how smart you are.”
Those words kept repeating themselves in my head for a good while.
“So what do you say, bro?” Sam asked, interrupting my thoughts. “Are you in?”
“You bet!” I said, stretching out my hand. He shook it vigorously.
“That’s the spirit, bro! Let’s start right away.”
We went to work on different computer stations and that was how I began my journey into the ‘Yahoo-Yahoo’ world. Every iota of skepticism I had about the idea was instantly banished when I made over three hundred dollars in my first week!

SEE YOU IN THE NEXT EPISODE OF THE GEEBEE CHRONICLES.

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EPISODE 45 – ASSESSING THE IMPLICATIONS

While it would easily pass for an obsolete cliché, the popular line: ‘the only constant thing in life is change’ remains eternally true. Change is one of life’s constants and with every instance of change, every one affected often has to make adjustments to fit into the change. A typical example would be the need to put away your thick winter clothes during summer in exchange for lighter clothes. By the next winter however, the same thick clothes that were abandoned become most needed. Many other examples abound and cut across virtually every sphere of life. In science, change is referred to as metamorphosis where organisms find themselves evolving from one form to another all in a bid to adapt to their new situation. As humans, we make similar adjustments every single day.

It is also important to note that the level of adaptation people have to make in time of change varies and strongly depends on the situation one needs to adapt to or the personality of the one who needs to make such a modification. For instance, it would be foolhardy to compare the adjustment one has to make to a situation of a broken relationship or courtship to that of a divorce after 10 years of marriage or the loss of a much loved teenage son or daughter. The levels of adjustment definitely vary and emotionally stronger people tend to make such adaptations more easily than their weaker counterparts.

By March 2007, I had resigned to fate and realized I was going to be a father sooner than I could have ever expected. BG was already almost five months pregnant and for the first time, her slight baby bump was visible. Thankfully, my mum had stepped in and saved me from almost being forced to get married to her as her sister had proposed. The agreement seemed sensible enough but to me, it was still rather scary to imagine what was happening. In spite of the fact that my mum and BG’s family had reached a compromise on how the situation would be managed – BG was to spend the remainder of the duration of her pregnancy with her sister and relocate to my mum’s with the baby once it was born – it still felt like a dream to me. One way or the other, I had become tied to BG and I knew the implications. It was unlikely I was ever going to marry any other woman as things were. I knew my mother and her staunch principles and coupled with the fact that BG’s sister had earlier broached the subject, it was obvious I had made my choice as far as they were concerned.

I looked back over my life and realized I could be falling victim to my greatest fears. My parents had separated when I was barely nine years old and along with my two brothers, I had grown up with a skewed mindset especially regarding relationships and I always wished I would make the right choice in marriage once and for all. I constantly told myself that I would never see my children go through the same situation my brothers and I passed through – a broken home. I told myself further that I would get married to the perfect woman and have the perfect marriage and I knew the possibility of such was dependent on careful planning and decision making process. BG’s pregnancy had thrown spanners into the plans as far as I was concerned. I had always liked her very much and probably been emotionally attached to her as well but never for once had I considered the possibility of getting married to her. I had my specifications for my perfect woman and detailed criteria such a woman had to meet. I was hoping to meet a woman who would be at least 5’ 7 in height (I was about 6’ 1 and BG was barely 5’ 2). I wanted a woman who was a writer as well, who loved books and who had a passion to make a strong mark in life. Basically, I wanted a woman who would complement and challenge me on all levels. BG was none of these and it hurt so much to think that such a woman who hardly measured up to any of my standards was the one who was carrying my baby. She was hardly my type.

I began to brace up for how I would survive the next four months as I prepared to become a father. The guilt of my actions and the uncomfortable situation I had placed my parents in weighed heavily on my heart and I decided I needed to handle my responsibility in every way I could without adding an extra burden to them. This decision was further influenced when Mrs. Oki began to pester my life with phone calls to send money to get my ‘wife’ registered for ante-natal care. I managed to secure the funds without involving my mum. Soon, she began to frequently request that I send more money for BG’s upkeep.
“Hello Geebee,” she would say. “BG needs to eat fresh vegetables and you know I am just an ordinary teacher.”
“Geebee, the money you sent the last time is exhausted and your wife does not have transport fare to go for her ante-natal this week so do something.”
“Geebee, I understand you only sent two thousand naira. It’s not enough o! Maybe I should call your mother if she can help.”

The calls were endless and irritating and I began to wish I had denied the pregnancy and saved myself all the stress I was being made to go through. It was obvious this woman was not even willing to consider that I had done the honorable thing and accepted responsibility for the pregnancy; something most guys my age would never have done. Besides, I wondered if she was oblivious of the arrangement that had been made regarding the situation. She was only expected to take care of her sister for the remaining four months of the pregnancy. Was she even considering the fact that after the baby was born, my mother would begin to bear the responsibility? Her demands began to take its toll on me and the situation made me despise BG and her family to no end.
“BG, why is your sister frustrating me?” I asked angrily one day.
“How do you mean?” BG asked in the most annoying tone I could imagine.
“What’s the point of all these unnecessary demands?” I lashed out. “Have you people forgotten my mother is still going to bear the greater responsibility after this baby is born?”
She was silent for a while. “There is nothing I can do, Geebee,” she said eventually. “Remember she’s housing me. Let’s give her some credit at least.”

I was infuriated. BG was asking me to give her sister some credit because she was going to house her ‘pregnant sister’ for a paltry four months? What nonsense! Was blood not supposed to be thicker than water? So what was the big deal in what she was doing that she would hound me with stupid demands? I had to roll with the situation however because I could not risk Mrs. Oki having to call my mum to make such ridiculous demands. My mum would be incensed if she were to dare raise such an issue. In fact, I was sure my mum would be livid if she found out that Mrs. Oki was asking me for money for her pregnant sister’s upkeep. I wondered if this woman realized I was just twenty-one and a ‘boy’ who could hardly take care of himself. At the time, I had a little job as an Office Assistant at an Art Gallery and I also wrote stories for a romance magazine. All the money I earned was barely enough to sustain me and the added responsibility was bound to kill me sooner than I could imagine. I realized I had to find some other way to make extra income. I was still in my search for an alternative source of income when Sam, my old friend introduced me into a line of business that he assured me was the easiest way to make money in those days. Sam, by the way was indirectly responsible for my predicament. It was through him that I met BG in the first place. I could not even imagine telling him that BG was pregnant. All that mattered to me then was that he was about to introduce me to some money-making scheme. As regards my telling him that I had gotten his ex-girlfriend pregnant, I decided we would cross that bridge once we got to it.

SEE YOU IN THE NEXT EPISODE OF THE GEEBEE CHRONICLES.

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EPISODE 44 – SEALING MY FATE

Macaulay Culkin, the child star of the ‘Home Alone’ fame got married in 1998 at age 17 and the marriage lasted for about two years before he and his wife separated and were eventually divorced in 2002. Shortly after, he had another relationship. They never got married but the relationship ended after about eight years. What point am I trying to make here? Why did Culkin’s marriage end at such an early stage? Could this be due to the fact that he was probably not ready at the time he got married? Why didn’t he marry the next woman he dated for eight years? Could this be due to the fact that his previous marriage had a bad effect on his outlook on life and marriage? I am not in the position to proffer definite answers but the options are surely worth considering. Statistics dating from the 1980s have shown that only one in eight early marriages actually last beyond ten years. The early marriage in this context refer to marriages at age 23 and below for men and age 21 and below for women. Well, there are exceptions of course but hey, majority always carry the vote, right?

I would not begin to condemn the fact that some people decide to get married at a rather early stage in their lives because let’s face it; age is just a number (as a lot of people conveniently say). Besides, maturity is usually not a function of age. I have seen nineteen year olds who are far more mature in thinking than thirty year olds but then again, that is one of the few exceptions. My conclusion is that before you get married, you should be emotionally ready for it. As folks would say, marriage no be beans! It is a serious issue and needs to be considered as such. God designed marriage to entail a lifetime commitment and not just something we go in and out of at will and therefore, before such a decision is taken, both parties need to be very sure they are ready. Marriage by convenience or compulsion is perhaps the greatest mistake we should never make and for those who have made it, roll with it (or get out fast!)

When Mrs Oki broached the subject of BG and I going to the marriage registry to legalize our union, I could sense the selfishness behind the idea. I was just twenty-one and obviously not at all ready to take up such responsibilities. She did not even bother to ask me if I loved her sister or if I was willing to go all the way. All she cared about was that some guy had impregnated her little sister and he must face the consequences by marrying her. Did she realize this was 2007? I wondered. We were not in the seventies or eighties any longer. Life had gotten much more sophisticated and such sentiments hardly mattered anymore. I realized I was being blackmailed into marrying BG because I had gotten her pregnant. I was glad however when I was able to tell her sister that we could not take such a step at that time.

I later related the situation to my mom on phone and her initial response did little to allay my fears.
“She’s right, Geebee,” my mom began. “You will have to marry her.”
I was stunned and unable to speak for a while. “Geebee?” she called, apparently in a bid to confirm if I was still on the line.
“Yes mom, I’m here.” I said.
“I said she has a strong point,” she added. “You got the girl pregnant and that’s the logical thing to do.”
“But ma, I am not ready for that now. I have not . . .” I defended but she cut in before I could say more.
“You should have thought about that before you went down the road of fornication.”

I was silent again. That was the first time she had condemned me ever since she learnt of the situation and at that moment, it took all in me not to break down into a sob. I could imagine how hurt she had been since she heard the news and how much it had taken for her not to get mad at me until now. By the time she spoke again, her voice had a different tone. I could sense she was struggling to hold back from weeping.
“It is well. I’ll come and see her family next week,” she said on a final note and ended the call without a farewell greeting.
I had been happy for a while since she had accepted the situation and hardly taken time to think of how she must have been feeling but at that moment as I sat, I realized yet again how much pain I had caused my mother. I broke down and wept bitterly.

True to her words, my mom traveled down the next week and accompanied me to see BG’s family. The venue of the meeting was Mrs. Oki’s house. Mrs. Oki had invited three other family members as well. I later learnt from BG that they were yet to inform her dad of the situation. Apparently, the man had been sick for some time and such news would have done more harm than good. Throughout the meeting, I sat down with my head bowed and did not utter a word. BG sat at another end of the room, striking an identical pose of sobriety. It was enough tension for us being present in the meeting where our fate was to be decided. Mrs. Oki gave a quick summary of the situation and made her stance on the matter known again. One of the women present then asked my mother what she had to say on the matter. I lifted up my head, hoping my mom would not go ahead to sell me out to this people by agreeing that I marry the girl I had impregnated.

My mom proved to be a life-saver yet again. In a most calm and respectful manner, she let the family understand that the two people in question were just kids who had made a mistake and equally shared the blame and while we deserved to be made to suffer for what we had done, there was a need for judgment to be tempered with mercy. She added that allowing us get married at that stage would do more harm than good especially considering how long we still had to go with our academics and careers.
“But he has destroyed her career already,” one of the unknown women cut in. “She has no career anymore thanks to your son but he is the man and he can continue with his life? No, he must marry her!” she added. Mrs. Oki nodded in agreement.
I wished I could slap the taste out of the unknown woman’s mouth but of course, that would probably have been the end of my career too. I wondered what my mom would say.
“I am not saying he won’t marry her,” my mom said. “All I am saying is; it is too early for that. We as their mothers need to help them.”
“I am just a school teacher and I have my own children to provide for,” Mrs. Oki said pointedly. “I don’t know what you mean by helping them.”
For the first time, I understood where the ‘marriage issue’ was coming from. These women were not ready to bear any burdens of an extra baby and wanted it out of the way as soon as possible. I sighed inwardly and decided Mrs. Oki had just added an extra coating to my loathing for her.

Eventually, it was resolved that BG would stay with her sister during the duration of the pregnancy until the baby was born and then, she and the baby would go and live with my mother where she would nurse the baby until she was able to return to her studies. I realized at that moment that my fate had been sealed. I was going to have to marry BG after all sometime in the future. Judgment day was bound to come. It had only been postponed a little further. I thought about my father and wondered if I wouldn’t have to break the news to him somehow. After all, I was going to make him a grandfather soon.

SEE YOU IN THE NEXT EPISODE OF THE GEEBEE CHRONICLES.

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EPISODE 43 – RESISTING BLACKMAIL

What can I say? I am officially back from my longest hiatus as a blogger and I’m particularly surprised I was actually able to come out of this one. In the past, I have had cause to take breaks from blogging and usually such breaks have been for short spells – two weeks, a month, two months . . . Actually, the longest interval between my posts as far as I can remember was about four months – between Episode 38 (When A Gladiator Surrenders) which dropped in September 2010 and Episode 39 (Nowhere to Run) which dropped in February 2011. I can hardly believe I only dropped four posts in the entire 2011, the last episode being Episode 42 (Scaling Another Hurdle) which dropped in April 2011, thus having me set a new personal record of eight months between posts. Is that an achievement? Of course not! Well, I wouldn’t want to call whatever kept me away this long a case of writer’s block. It would be better considered as a case of writer’s shutdown or something close like I told Aloted when she checked on me. Thanks for the love, ma’am. I have always known however that I would never totally quit blogging. I might disappear sometimes but I would always find my way back home and here I am again. I hope I hang around for much longer this time. GEEBEE’S TRIP continues in a new christened title, THE GEEBEE CHRONICLES and I urge you to get set for the ride of your lives. Let’s pick up from where we left off.

I had since broken the news of BG’s pregnancy to my mum and was still basking in the euphoria of her acceptance of the situation. I was more than convinced it was the hand of God in action. The only problem we had was how to break the news to BG’s eldest sister, an action BG was far from willing to take. Thus, I had mixed feelings when Cher called and informed us that her sister asked me to come and see her. I was glad that the cat had been let out of the bag at last and at the same time I was scared of what reaction I would get. I summoned up courage however and went to visit the woman. I met Mrs. Oki eventually and realized the resemblance was striking. It was almost too easy to tell that BG, Cher and the woman were sisters. She seemed like a nice woman and welcomed me with a pleasant smile. Her kids instantly took to me as though they were so glad I was the going to be the father of their cousin.

“So what are your plans, Geebee?” the woman asked me after introductions were over. For a moment, I tried to understand what she was asking me and what she expected me to say. I was just a young man of twenty-one and really had no plans besides completing my course in University and proceeding with my Master’s degree and Ph.D among other things but I definitely knew she wasn’t talking about that. Of course, I never planned to get anyone pregnant but that had somehow occurred and naturally, some other plans had to be set in motion.
“Well, ma” I began. “I told my mum about this and she’s promised to come and see you as soon as she can to discuss the situation.”
I believed that was the best thing to say at that moment. Of a truth, I had no plans about the pregnancy, especially during the pregnancy and after the birth of the baby. My mum had the final say in the matter as far as I was concerned.
“I see.” Mrs Oki said, pursing her lips and looking towards BG who kept her head bowed like a condemned criminal. I could hardly imagine what was going through the older woman’s mind as she looked at her little sister. It was more than obvious she was disappointed in BG especially considering the fact that she had always been the model child.
“Well, if I must say, I think the best thing for both of you now is to go to a marriage registry and get married. As you know it’s not good to have a child outside wedlock.”

I almost spat my heart out. What the hell was this woman talking about? Get married? Did she know how old I was? Did she think I had no plans for my life? In fact if ever I was to get married, BG would be the last person I would want to get married to. I liked her very much quite alright but talking about marriage at that time was like asking an ant to eat up an elephant. Mrs. Oki continued talking and telling us about the need to begin planning our future together immediately. Her words hardly made any sense and instead made me wonder if she was thinking at all. I wished I could challenge her right then but I was still in a state of sobriety and had to be careful about whatever I said. I was still the culprit in question for crying out loud and it would be stupid to provoke the judge, I decided. I listened to everything she had to say and was glad when she was done. I promised her my mum would come around soon.

As I left the house, I had a million thoughts running through my mind. Had I just consented to all that Mrs. Oki had said? I wondered. Well, I had not exactly agreed with her but at the same time, I had not objected so what did that imply? I felt so confused at that moment and began to recall all she had said. The whole thing suddenly seemed like a trap to me. None of the suggestions made any logical sense. All I could draw from it was the fact that she wanted me and her sister to get settled and start planning a future together and that sounded selfish to me. Was I being blackmailed into marrying BG because she had gotten pregnant? I decided it was best I spoke my mind and right then, I turned and headed back to the house.

BG answered the door and she seemed surprised to see me back when I had left the house just a few minutes before.
“Did you forget something?” she asked me.
I shook my head. “No, I didn’t. Could I speak with you for a moment?”
She followed me outside the house and I asked her what she thought about her sister’s suggestions.
“I think she made a lot of sense,” BG said.
I could scarcely hide my surprise. “You think she made sense? You think it is okay for us to go ahead with marriage at this point of our lives? How old are you? How old am I? What about our academics and prospective careers?”
The frown on her face made it clear that she was not glad I didn’t agree with her sister.
“So you just want me to carry this pregnancy without any commitment from you, right?”
I sighed. “No, this is not a question of commitment. It’s a question of how ready we are to jump into marriage. We’re still too young and emotionally immature to go that far. Besides, if we get married now, we would lose focus of a lot of other things. I think we need to be truly ready before we decide to get married so we don’t end up as babies raising babies.”
I could still see that BG was not convinced by my words but I had decided I wasn’t going to be bullied into making a rash decision that I would end up regretting for the rest of my life.
“Okay, can you tell my sister the things you just said?” she asked.
I knew it would be difficult to do that. Somehow, I had hoped I would be able to convince BG enough and leave her to dissuade her sister from the idea of us getting married at the time. However, it dawned on me that BG was actually happy with the idea, a realization that made me feel very irritated.

I proceeded back into the house with BG and she called her sister out to come and listen to what I had to say. I was scared stiff but I gathered my confidence as I began to talk. I explained to Mrs. Oki why I felt it would be wrong for us to rush into marriage because of the pregnancy.
“So what would happen to BG when her tummy begins to bulge with the pregnancy? Where would she stay? Who would take care of her all through the period? How about her ante-natal? What will happen when the baby when is born?”
The questions were fired at me in rapid succession like arrows from Robin Hood’s bow and I almost wished I could scream.
“We’ll cross the bridge when we get there ma?” I simply said, wondering where the courage to say those words actually came from. It dawned on me that there were more hurdles to scale but I was strongly determined not to allow myself be blackmailed into taking a decision I was not ready for. I realized I would need my mother’s help yet again.

SEE YOU IN THE NEXT EPISODE OF THE GEEBEE CHRONICLES.

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EPISODE 42 – SCALING ANOTHER HURDLE

Every now and then, even the very best of us fall sick in various forms. Sometimes, it is minor stomach trouble or a skin rash. It could be a headache or toothache. It could also be a cold or catarrh. There are numerous forms of illness and an outline of these would create an inexhaustible list. I have definitely been sick a good number of times too but lately, especially in the last couple of years, I have been blessed with excellent health. However, if I were to rank illnesses in accordance with their level of discomfort, I would rank catarrh and cold as the worst of the lot. It’s like a wicked interference with one’s ability to breathe comfortably and a most despicable condition. I would rather have malaria, stomach trouble (now not really), toothache (hmmm, kinda), a fracture (Now, let’s reconsider) and any other form of illness than cold and catarrh (of course excluding HIV/AIDS too. lol). Of all the good things of life, the ability to breathe freely is most priceless and should definitely not be taken for granted.

I returned smiling and happy and of course breathing easily. lol. I ended up spending the weekend at my mum’s place before returning. My mum proved to be the best mother in the world and I could hardly believe my good fortune in spite of the precarious situation. She was obviously disappointed but she remained calm and encouraging, dishing out every motherly advice she could muster. I imagined she was afraid I might go ahead to do something crazy or hurt myself and that was probably why she was so angelic instead of raining fire and brimstone on me for what I had done. She assured me that she would come around to see BG’s family as soon as possible to straighten things out concerning the BG’s pregnancy.

I called BG up immediately after I settled in and she came over to see me. I studied her carefully and still marveled at the fact that she hardly looked different from how she had always been. It was rather unbelievable that she was already over four months pregnant.
“Geebee, you ran off without letting me know. Why?” she attacked.
I sighed. The last time we had spoken was about three days before, on the very day I set out to see my mother. I had not told her I was traveling especially because I was still unsure of my plans at the time. While I was with my mum, my phone had been turned off just to relieve the pressure I was bound to get from being hounded by BG’s calls. I had no regrets however because as it were, everything had turned out well and in fact I could not wait to break the news to her.
“I’m sorry, BG,” I said, holding her hands tenderly. “You can’t imagine how confused I have been all this while.”
She looked at me angrily. “Confused? Do you know what I have been going through as well? I needed you to be there and you just disappeared. How do you think that feels?’
“Come on, it was just for three days,” I countered. I am sorry, baby” I added, drawing her closer to me. “I did what was best. I went to see my mum.”
Her shock was evident. She sat up immediately. “You did what?”
I smiled. “You heard me. Things are going to be fine. You wouldn’t believe what happened.”

I went ahead to tell her how things went and how my mum reacted in the exact opposite of what I had imagined would happen.
“Wao, that’s great news,” she muttered, sighing gratefully.
I nodded in agreement. “Yes it is. I feel like a great weight has been lifted off my shoulders. My mother has promised to come and see your family as soon as she can.”
“My family?” BG queried nervously. “I have not told them about it yet.”
I shrugged. “It’s no big deal. I have told my mum so you can easily let your folks know as well and everything would be okay.”
She shook her head slowly. “You make it sound so easy. They’ll kill me. My father must not even hear about it. It would kill him.”
“How about Cher, your sister?” I asked nervously.
“That’s another impossibility. Cher believes we have gotten rid of the baby since December. She knows nothing about the current situation.”
“And no one in your house suspects a thing?” I asked.
She shook her head. I was not at all surprised. Indeed, she hardly looked pregnant.
I sighed in frustration. Now, this was another problem. I was tempted to shout at her and tell her to find a way to break the news because I had done my part and I was not going to go through the ordeal of having to convince her annoying sister to help us again.
“BG, we don’t have a choice here. We just have to find a way through this.”

Cher was irritating as usual when she was brought into the picture this time around. In fact, she was pretty shocked to find out that the abortion attempt almost two months before had failed. She did not hesitate to express her disbelief.
“Are you guys sure this is not a fresh pregnancy?” she asked, looking at me.
I shook my head. “I wish it was but believe me, it is the same one.”
She hissed. “I wish you had listened to me then. Obviously, your doctor was a quack. That pregnancy was less than two months for crying out loud. Any third year Medical student would have been able take care of it successfully.”
I ignored her comments and BG went ahead to sell her the ‘twin foetus’ theory. She laughed for a good while. “Come on guys, you really don’t believe that, do you?”
I shrugged. “I really don’t know what to believe, honestly.” I said. “The issue here now is, there’s nothing we can do about the pregnancy except have the baby.”
“What?” Cher said, visibly shocked. “You want to have the baby?” She looked at her sister.
“That’s why we need your help again,” I said, hating myself so much at that moment.

Cher sighed. “Why must I always be the ‘fixer’ for your problems? What do I have to do this time? Adopt the baby?”
I winced at the annoying remark. The lady was driving me up the wall and I was tempted to tell her to go to hell but it was obvious if I did, BG would be the one to suffer the consequences. Cher hardly seemed like the type of person who would stand by her sister alone especially after the guy responsible for the pregnancy had insulted her. I kept my cool.
“We want you to help us break the news to your sisters,” I said.
She was silent for a while and we patiently awaited her response.

I tried to imagine what would be going on in her mind. Her task did not seem as difficult as the last one. This time, there was no risk of death through abortion complications. All she was required to do was break the news to their elder sisters; something BG would be unable to do considering that she was the culprit in question. The only issue there seemed to be was the fact that the pregnancy was already over four months old. Besides that, there seemed to be no other problem. Once that hurdle was scaled, I foresaw a smooth sprint all the way to the finish line. After all, my mum was already aware and had accepted the situation. Three days later, Cher called and informed BG and I that she had informed her eldest sister and the woman had requested that I come see her. At that moment, I felt a wave of uneasiness wash over me and began to wonder if indeed the last hurdle had been scaled.

SEE YOU IN THE NEXT EPISODE OF THE GEEBEE CHRONICLES.

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EPISODE 41 – A BREATH OF FRESH AIR

Now before you begin to think I am here to campaign for Goodluck Jonathan, let me issue a clear disclaimer that I am not! I have observed that two of the key catchphrases in GEJ’s campaign as made popular by his supporters and strategists are the ‘Do you want fresh air in Nigeria?’ and ‘Goodluck Jonathan . . . a breath of fresh air!’ slogans. Well, I would not begin to disagree or agree with that now but I sincerely hope GEJ is really the man a lot of people are making him out to be.

I watched the Presidential debate two Fridays ago and I kinda wondered why he wasn’t there. That would have been a good opportunity for him to sell his candidacy to people like me who are still very skeptical about his capacity to truly bring about the change we all need in Nigeria. I am definitely going to vote during the elections which are now so close and I hope you are. I wish I could arrange polls on who would be the final choice among the frontrunners (as NN24 put it), speaking of the likes of Muhammadu Buhari, Nuhu Ribadu, Ibrahim Shekarau and of course, President Goodluck Ebele Jonathan (GEJ). Now, I wonder why NN24 would have labeled them frontrunners. What happens to the likes of Pat Utomi, Dele Momodu, Chris Okotie and other presidential candidates? Do they even stand a chance? Beats me! That said, let’s return to our story and find out what ‘a breath of fresh air’ has to do with all these?

My mum’s possible reaction was unpredictable as at the time I broke the news to her. I had tried in vain to imagine what she would do or say on hearing the news and constantly hoped that God was indeed in control as she had said. Was he? Looking back, I could say he actually was. I managed to look at her and the shock on her face was clearly evident. I was pretty sure she would have blushed had she been of Caucasian descent. My heart began to race rapidly as though I had literally developed high blood pressure. Suddenly my breath caught in my throat and I considered the thought of possible suffocation, hardly dismissing the possibility; a situation I really would not have minded at that moment. Finally, she spoke.
“You did what?” my mum asked, as though she had not heard me the first time.

I cringed with revulsion. Breaking the news had virtually being an uphill task that had taken every ounce of strength in me and now, she wanted me to repeat myself. I simply stared at my toes again, bracing up for the worst. I thought about the possibility of her hitting me or biting me, which would have been most welcome if that would be the only price I needed to pay for my sins. I could practically feel her eyes piercing through me and I could imagine the shocking and pained look she would be wearing at that moment. I cursed myself for allowing myself cause such a wonderful woman so much pain.
“How did this happen, Geebee?” she asked, her voice considerably lower this time. I had a flash of relief on realization that she was trying hard not to react in the expected manner.

I went on to tell the entire story in the most saintly way I could in a most desperate way to paint myself as a little innocent boy who just got unlucky and hit the jackpot on his first attempt. It was a most sorrowful mood further accentuated by my sobs and trust me, they were genuine sobs at that moment. I truly regretted the situation and would have given anything to reverse things. My mum was particularly shocked when I got to the part of the story that revealed that my girlfriend was already four months pregnant. In between the story, she burst into tears too and I wondered what must have been going on in her mind. I knew I had broken her heart and hoped she would indeed forgive me.
“God has a reason for everything,” she said at last as she sighed sorrowfully.
“How old is she?” she asked.
“Four months,” I replied, wondering if my mum had not heard the part of the story about the age of the foetus and how on earth she knew that it was a ‘she’.
“I mean the girl . . . your girlfriend” she clarified. I noticed the uneasiness with which she said ‘girlfriend’. The woman was a minister in church and indeed, she would never have condoned such a practice of her son engaging in the sin of fornication.
“Twenty,” I said. BG had turned twenty the previous September.

My mum had remained silent for another while, a situation that made me much more uncomfortable. Gradually, I realized things were not going as badly as I had thought. I could actually breathe some fresh air at last. Eventually, she told me we had no choice but to accept the pregnancy. She added that she would find time to come visit my girlfriend’s family and inform them that we would accept the pregnancy.


As I watched my mum walk to her room, I remained on the spot for what seemed like an eternity. God had indeed taken control. I had come into the house prepared for the worst and I had gotten a reaction that was far beyond my imagination – a positive one. I sighed and tried to picture how the next few days would unfold and what surprises they could spring forth. BG was yet to let anyone in her family know about her situation and I did not want to begin to dampen my spirit with thoughts of the difficulties we might face in the process. I was glad I had finally broken the news to my mum and for the first time in weeks, I could actually breathe. It was not just any kind of breath. It was indeed a breath of fresh air and I decided to enjoy it while it lasted.

SEE YOU IN THE NEXT EPISODE OF THE GEEBEE CHRONICLES.

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EPISODE 40 – SPILLING THE BEANS

In a flash, two months have already gone by in this New Year and it still feels like 2011 began just yesterday. I find myself wondering if we still have the same twenty four hours in a day that we had in the past; or perhaps, an hour has somehow become less than sixty minutes and a minute has become less than sixty seconds. I can hardly understand why time seemed to be much longer when I was much younger than now. Or, do little kids see time’s passage differently? It definitely appears so and I don’t think I need to begin to explain that now. Children are pretty lucky as they do not have to worry about life the way adults have to; so time just goes slowly and smoothly for them while we, adults practically carry the weight of the world on our shoulders everyday and our thoughts, worries and ceaseless plans make time run faster in our eyes. I woke up yesterday and realized it was 1st of March! Hmmm, another year speeding by like a race car in the Formula 1 series. The annoying part of the whole experience remains the fact that with each passing day, we grow older. I thought I noticed a strand of grey in my hair yesterday and almost screamed. Grey hair at twenty five! No way in hell that ain’t happening, I assured myself as I peered closer into the mirror. Alas, it wasn’t grey hair. It was a little hair brush strand that had somehow come off and lodged itself in my upcoming afro, posing as a grey. I sighed gratefully. Of course we’d all grow old but I wish it wouldn’t be too quickly. lol. THE GEEBEE CHRONICLES continues.

I had made up my mind that I would go ahead and inform my mum of what had happened. This decision was much influenced by factors well beyond my understanding and control. I felt like I was in a typical Nigerian movie. I remember a movie I had seen sometime back when I still watched local movies. This one starred Keppy Ekpenyong Bassey and in the movie, he got himself involved in some occultic mess and desperately tried to escape the repercussions by ending his life. At a point, he put himself in the way of an oncoming trailer and the thing refused to kill him. I can’t remember the movie title now but I’d bet some of the Nollywood fans reading this would probably have seen that movie and so can give us the title. That was exactly how I felt. First, all attempts of aborting the pregnancy had proved abortive (no pun intended) as we came to realize when we had received the shock of our lives after believing all problems were finally over. Then, I had decided to bow out when the ovation was loudest (you might call that taking the coward’s way out. lol) and tried to take my own life but that again had failed. The only logical next point of call was to turn myself in.

Two days after the suicide attempt, I traveled to see my mum. Throughout the five-hour journey, I constantly hoped the bus I had boarded would somehow skid off the expressway and tumble into the river or one of the ditches on the side of the road but of course, none of such happened. The powers in control were certainly determined to ‘open my yansh’ as some would say. On arrival, my mum was delighted as usual to see me but that motherly intuition came to play almost immediately. She practically read me like a book and knew all was not well. Anyway, my countenance could not have looked bright with the weight I was carrying on my shoulders. How was I going to break this news?
“Geebee, are you well? You look so pale and emaciated,” mum said lovingly, as she felt my neck with the back of her hand and held onto my shoulders like a woman would do to her seven-year old son. At that moment, I wished I was indeed a seven-year old son who was remorseful for losing his pencil at school and not a young man who was about to crash his mother’s world with a most shocking news.
“I’m fine, ma” I managed to say, as I moved to sit on one of the chairs in the living room. I had not come with any bag or anything else besides the clothes I had on and the sandals on my feet. In fact, the plan was to break the news and run off immediately. I was still convinced my mum would never take the news lightly and I wanted to be ready for the worst. I even had my transport fare back well kept in my pocket just in case she decided to throw me out at that very moment.

“Have you eaten anything?” she asked and immediately called out to her maid to come and get me food. I sat there silent, hardly paying any attention to her. Food was the last thing on my mind at that moment. I realized for the first time that I had not tasted anything all day and it was almost evening.
“Is it your father again?” my mum asked concernedly.
I shook my head. I understood her concern. She was aware I had not been on good terms with my dad especially since my decision to get my own place outside his house and she was probably worried that the man was still giving me a hard time.
“Mum, please sit down. There is something I have to tell you.” I said in the calmest voice I had ever heard myself speak.
Her countenance instantly changed. I beheld the fear clearly evident on her face.
“Is everyone okay?” she asked in a troubled tone. “What happened? Did someone get hurt or . . .”


I wished I could answer her according to her fears. I wished I could tell her that indeed some random family member had suddenly died or been arrested and that was why I had come. I wished I could tell her anything besides what I was going to tell her. I could bet my life at that moment that of all the thoughts that were running through her mind, none would have ever included the possibility that her son had gotten a girl pregnant and not just that; the foetus was already over four months old! I sighed again and wished I would suddenly wake up from the nightmare I was having. As at that moment, I still always hoped like I had ever since the dawn of the nasty episode that I was actually in an exceptionally long dream that I would awake from someday.

My mum sat down, her gaze hardly leaving my face. It was a steady gaze that made me feel very uncomfortable. It was almost as though she would see through me and know everything in an instant. For a second, my mum looked like a five year old child waiting expectantly to be told a story. However, in this case, it wasn’t excitement that was written on her face. It was fear! I averted her gaze and looked down. To my greatest surprise, I broke into a sob. The last time I had cried in my mother’s presence, I was about eight or nine years old. In fact, when I had lost a dear cousin at sixteen and she had broken the news to me, I had locked myself up in my room to cry. My mum was visibly shocked and rushed to my side immediately. She held me in her arms while I wept like a baby. I could imagine how confused she felt at that moment.
“Geebee, what is the matter? Talk to me” mum said, resting my head in her lap.
“Mummy, I don’t know how I am going to tell you this.” I managed amid sobs.
“Just tell me what it is, okay. God is in control” she added.
I felt a little relieved at her last statement and I really hoped God was in control. However, I still had a feeling in my heart that she could say that because she did not yet know the gravity of what I was about to tell her.
“Mummy, I have offended you. Would you be able to forgive me?” I asked, my head still hidden on her lap as I dampened her clothing with my tears.
She attempted to lift my head so she could look into my eyes and I sat up and wiped my eyes.
“Geebee,” she began, looking into my eyes. “Do you have another mother?”
I shook my head. “No mum.”
“Good. There is nothing you have done that I cannot forgive so tell me what it is.”

I sighed and hesitated for a little while. I looked up to see the maid came into the living room, apparently to inform us that the meal was served. My mum politely waved her off and told her that I would come to the table shortly. I waited for the maid to exit the room, buying myself some time for composure.
“Mum, I have gotten a girl pregnant” I said, looking down at my toes.
I could not look into her eyes at that moment but I was totally sure I had just given her the shock of her life. I thought again on how I would break the rest of the news. As far as I was concerned, all I had said was just a tip of the iceberg. How would I let her know that the pregnancy was not just a fresh one but a four month old pregnancy? I hoped again that God was indeed in control like she had told me.

SEE YOU IN THE NEXT EPISODE OF THE GEEBEE CHRONICLES.

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EPISODE 39 – NO WHERE TO RUN

The last episode of GEEBEE’S TRIP was posted on this page about over five months ago, precisely on 1st September 2010. At that time, it never occurred to me for a split second that the next episode would take another five months but then, you know. . . Truth is, I had to throw myself into other stuff – a new business I had to nurture, a new apartment I had to get settled in, a book I’ve been working on for some time etc. Somehow, the zeal to continue the series just seemed to disappear into some place I don’t know. Thankfully, this post is here and coincidentally, the last episode stopped at the point where the first season of the series would have stopped when it becomes adapted for television in the near future. Oh yes! Plans are in the works to make this a television series in the near future. You just wait for it! Is that supposed to be a call for sponsorship considerations? Well, maybe. lol. I’m glad I’m doing this again and I hope this time, I hang around for much longer in this series. I appreciate those of you who have kept faith with this series nonetheless. I wouldn't want to mention names but you guys know yourselves. Thanks a bunch! Meanwhile, have I said ‘Happy New year!’? Yeah, I know it’s belated by miles but then, it sure doesn’t hurt to wish you all a wonderful year and drop a few lines of prayer, as has been my custom for a good while now:

In this year two-thousand-and-eleven
May you on earth experience Heaven
And with this opportunity you’ve been given
May you excel greatly in the land of the living

Amen!

I’m sure at one time or the other, you’ve watched a movie where someone at a point of death gets saved by a sheer act of Providence. Consider a scenario where a man facing a firing squad and already tied to the stakes suddenly gets freed by a superior order from above. Imagine a man dangling from the hangman’s noose suddenly having the rope slashed a few seconds away from losing his last breath. Now, those are miracles and that’s what I could call what happened to me on that fateful night when I had decided to end it all. I had simply decided to take the coward’s way out and quit trying to be a courageous gladiator in the arena.

As I lay down to sleep, I was convinced that I would wake up somewhere other than on this planet. There were two possibilities of destination. The first one that came to mind was Hell. I saw this as a possibility because suicide was supposed to be a sin and hence, taking my own life with poison was an act that would give me an express ticket to Hell fire. On the other hand, I thought Heaven was also a possible destination because in my own opinion, I was sacrificing my own life to ensure that BG and the unborn child were not rejected by my family. This was likely going to happen because of the grief my death would have caused and obviously the child that would be born would have been a form of consolation. I even imagined the child being named Geebee Junior to keep the memory of me alive. However, in the deepest recesses of my heart, I knew I was actually trying to take my own life not because I cared so much about BG and the baby but simply because I couldn’t bear to face the shame I was bound to face as a result of the situation. In one last attempt to ensure I arrived at a most desirable destination – Heaven – I said a word of prayer (of course after I had taken the poison), confessing my sins and committing those I was about to leave behind into God’s hands. In between the prayers, I fell asleep hoping that my last action had somehow bought me a ticket to Heaven.

When I woke up, I was temporarily blinded by a ray of light projecting though the open windows. Gradually, my memory returned and for a second, I believed I was indeed in Heaven and in the presence of God. After all, Hell was a place of darkness and this was clearly something totally different. Almost immediately, my mobile phone rang, jolting me back to reality. I instantly recognized my room and everything in it. I was not dead; I was not in Heaven but I was alive and in the flesh. There was however a throbbing pain in my head that almost made me dizzy. I reached for the phone and the screen revealed that BG was calling. I sighed, wondering what in hell had happened and why I was still alive.
“Hello” I said into the mouthpiece after accepting the call.
“Hi Geebee,” BG said, the tone of her voice still registering frustration and every other bad feeling. “Did you just wake up?”
“Yea – yeah,” I said, stuttering, my glance resting on the clock on my bedside table. It was almost ten o’clock.
“Hmmm, so you mean you could actually sleep through all this. I couldn’t sleep all through the night, you know.”
I felt guilty for a second and wished I could tell her that I should not even be talking to her. I should have died during the night. Again, I wondered why things had not gone the way I had thought.
“Don’t worry. It’s gonna be okay.” I heard myself say. “How are you feeling?”
“Worried!” she said, much to my chagrin. I bit my lip. If things had gone right, my phone should have rung endlessly with my lifeless body unable to receive the call.
“I’ll call you later, okay.” I said, as I ran out of words to say. I decided I had to process what had just happened to me or perhaps what had not happened.

As I hung up, I remained on my bed for a good while. Why was I still alive? I wondered. Was the ‘otapiapia’ not poisonous? I had heard it was lethal when ingested so why had it not worked on me? Had I not taken it? I asked myself, surprised at my own thoughts. I remembered clearly I had swallowed up all the contents. To assure myself, I looked under the bed and the bottle lay there empty. I was not crazy, I decided. I had drunk up the poison but here was I, feeling perfectly okay, except for the headache. Was that supposed to be a symptom that the poison was beginning to take effect or was I just having a stupid hangover from the heavy dose of liquor I had taken the previous night? Was it possible that the booze I had taken had rendered the poison powerless or was the poison was going to work later in the day, perhaps? Should I go get some more of the poison to drink? I cringed at the thought. Somehow I had lost the nerve to try again and in fact I didn’t feel like dying anymore. I broke down and wept profusely. By the end of that day, the poison had still not taken effect and in fact I was sure nothing of such was going to happen. It was clear there was no running away from this. I was going to face the music whether I like it or not. I examined my options. Option 1: Handle it alone and keep my folks out of it for as long as I could. Option 2: Inform my parents of the situation.

I thought about the first option. Could I handle the situation alone? I was barely twenty-two and still in school. My dad paid my school fees and still gave me pocket money. I made some extra bucks from working as a private home tutor and writing for a magazine but there was no way in hell I would be able to take care of BG and the pregnancy on my own? Even if I did, how about when the baby came? Where was she going to live by the way? In my little room, along with me and my two roommates? I would go mad before long, I realized. The second option hardly seemed better. How was I going to break the news to my parents? Mom and Dad had been separated for almost thirteen years and thus, it was impossible to inform them of the situation jointly. Who was I to notify of the situation first? Telling my mom first was going to be difficult. The woman was an epitome of godliness, a minister in church and the situation in itself was a slap on her position. The church would probably sanction her for having a son who had gotten a girl pregnant. I could not imagine the consequences. My dad was a whole different idea. My brothers and I feared the man to no end and in fact had never been close. How then was I supposed to inform him that I had gotten a girl pregnant? He would probably kill me, I decided. I instantly ruled him out of the picture. I decided I would inform my mum and see what happened next. Again, I wondered why I was still alive.

SEE YOU IN THE NEXT EPISODE OF THE GEEBEE CHRONICLES

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WHEN THE ONE YOU LOVE IS WITH ANOTHER

What would you do when the one you love is with another?

A number of possible actions come to mind. If you are a guy, you could decide to walk up to that girl who has stolen your heart and let her know upfront that you love her and want her badly. The thought reminds me of a song by Nigerian singer, African China where he says: ‘if you love somebody, walk up to her and tell her you love her because it’s no crime’. While I would not disagree with the ghetto-bred-but-now-international-music-icon (oh yes, the dude’s International now), I would clearly state that approaching a girl you feel romantically attached to is no easy feat, especially if you are genuinely interested in her. It takes guts and a never-say-die attitude, especially when you consider the risks involved. For crying out loud, every man has his pride and having that pride rubbished by a woman is usually a hard pill to swallow. However, this is a risk that must be taken once you decide to express your feelings to a girl whom you know is already involved with someone else. It is even worse when you and the girl have a good rapport and you know she and her boyfriend are in a rather serious relationship.

You have been folding your arms and watching from the sidelines as the girl you love gets caressed and fondled by another guy much to her delight. Oh, how that hurts! However, you sigh in pain and roll with the punches. You continually resist the feeling of jealousy that stems up in you every time and it has practically become a fierce battle you have to face all the time – a battle that gets worse by the day. Jealousy in itself is a crushing feeling that leaves one exhausted and ravaged and you gradually get to a point when you feel you cannot stand and watch anymore. So what do you do? I suggest two options:

- Taking the plunge
- Removing the hindrance.

TAKING THE PLUNGE – This would happen especially when you have reached the limit of your resistance. You simply walk up to the girl and let her know how you feel. However, you should bear in mind that you would be taking a big risk that could indeed see you losing the girl for good or on the other hand, winning her for yourself. The following could happen if you decide to take the plunge.

1. The girl could simply ignore you and assume you’ve had too much to drink. If she is a nice person who actually fancies you, she might remain friends with you but trust me, things would never be the same again and of course, you would have lost the chance of ever having her, probably forever. Sad, right? Yes I know but it’s a risk that must be taken.
2. If she hardly gives a hoot about you, she could right away heap a good load of verbal invectives on you and warn you never to come an inch closer ever again. Of course, this would be very embarrassing and worse still, you would have lost her friendship and the chance to ever have her, forever! (No probabilities!).
3. If she’s the nice and understanding type, she could listen to you and let you understand the situation of things, probably about how much she loves her boyfriend and ‘likes’ you but she would of course tell you she cannot be involved with you. The usual consolation such nice girls give in this situation is, “we can be friends.” Now, that would have gone rather well but trust me, it would only leave you feeling all the more drawn towards her and possibly lead you to further depression and desperation. I don’t think that solves your problem at all.

These are a few risks associated with ‘Taking the Plunge’ that I can muster at the moment. But then, who knows? You just might get lucky and have your gamble pay off. Perhaps, the girl has probably always fancied you as well and had been waiting for your move all the while. Perhaps all the obtrusive love play that you had seen with her and her boyfriend had only been an act to cover up the bitterness and pain within their relationship. You might just have your dreams realized then and you would be glad you had taken the plunge.

REMOVING THE HINDRANCE – I see this as the coward’s way out. This is a move that would be borne by a good deal of study and research on the relationship between this girl of your dreams and her boyfriend. Once you come to a conclusion that theirs is a rock-steady relationship and nothing seems likely to break it, you might do well to bow out as it just might be foolhardy for you to ‘take the plunge’. In the event where you cannot afford to bow out, it might be worth it trying to ‘remove the hindrance’. You might be curious as to what I mean by this.

It is evident that your ‘Beyonce’ of a girl would never give you a second look as she’s heads-over-heels in love with this ‘Jay Z’ so the only logical solution would be to get Jay Z out of the picture. Now, you don’t have to kill Jay Z or you might find out Beyonce never gets over his loss and becomes celibate forever. Yes, love does such things too. What would you have gained then? Nothing! Besides, the law might catch up with you and you find yourself spending the rest of your life behind bars if you’re lucky to miss the hangman’s noose. No, don’t kill Jay Z! So what do you do? It is pretty simple. Find a way to damage the boyfriend’s reputation. There are various ways to achieve this. For instance, you could use bait, maybe some other beautiful woman to lure him. Be sure to device means whereby the girlfriend finds out while ensuring you maintain your anonymity as neatly as possible.

Once you have succeeded, you could then present your shoulder as one to be leaned on and to be cried upon. Every other thing takes off from there. Now, you might say this is callous. Yes, I know but you want the girl, right? Okay, it’s a callous act so forget about the girl and remain on the sidelines. Oh, you don’t want that. I didn’t think so. After all, a desperate problem calls for a desperate solution. In ‘removing the hindrance’, there are numerous options. It requires sheer creativity and dexterity.

I should not neglect to mention the risks associated with Removing the Hindrance however. These also have to be put into consideration before you take this step.

1. The girl might love her boyfriend so much that she is willing to forgive him for even the worst crime. In this case, you have got yourself a lost case and the only option is to let her go and go look for some other woman.
2. The bait might not work. The boyfriend could be genuinely in love with the girl that nothing could make him do anything to hurt her (Yes, we have guys like that too!) and all attempts to damage his reputation may prove futile. In that case, you are bound to fail yet again in your bid.
3. You might actually get the girl but what do you do when the wind eventually blows and you are found out? It could take a while but trust me, once you are fingered as the culprit, the resultant effect would be far from pleasant.
These and more are also some of the risks associated with ‘Removing the Hindrance’.

Getting your desired girl comes with great risks, especially when she is involved and in most cases, it usually ends up a failed mission. However, some men go ahead to take the plunge or remove the hindrance and actually do succeed. Life after all is unpredictable.

What about a girl on a quest to catch a man who is with another woman? I guess that is a story for another day.

GEEBEE'S TRIP would resume in January 2011. Stay tuned. Enjoy what's left of 2010 and have a wonderful 2011.

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