Saturday, March 13, 2010


I remember some years back while I was in secondary school, during my fourth year I think, a close classmate confided in me that his father was about to take a third wife. He had been so devastated that my consolatory words hardly had any effect on his heavy heart. I recall that in my attempt ease his pain, I told him that he needed to be thankful for the fact that his father was still married to his mom at least. It was then I told him that my parents had been separated for a good while which was true. My folks had been separated since I was nine and at fourteen, I had still been struggling to come to terms with that fact so I constantly prayed that they would one day come back together. Well, it’s been about eleven years now since that day I discussed with my friend and my prayers are still yet to be answered. In fact, I have since stopped praying as far back as I can remember.

The saying goes, ‘when two elephants fight, it is the grass that suffers’. People often relate this saying to parents with issues and how their incessant quarrels tend to have negative effects on their children in the long run. Well, I won’t exactly say I disagree with this opinion but then my brothers and I have somehow managed to survive for almost sixteen years now without our parents living together and come to think of it, I sometimes wonder if things would have been better if the separation had not happened. As at today, I am still not yet convinced and I doubt if I ever will. Funny enough, I think I prefer things this way. Now, I hope someone does not think I’m crazy.

By November 2005, BG and I had been going out for sometime and I was beginning to accept the fact that I was stuck with this girl. Even though I constantly wished I could revert to my old girlfriend-free self, I had to resign to my fate for two major reasons. One, I liked the girl. Her naivety had a way of holding me spellbound for unexplainable reasons and she definitely made good company. Two, I did not want to repeat what my friend Sam had done. Sam’s way out had been to treat her badly and I had condemned that act to no end, thus, I did not think going in the same direction would be a sensible option. Of course, I kept my tab free and had flings with other girls once a while but I made sure I treated BG in the best way I could and that further endeared her to me.

Back on the homefront, Chief (my dad) and his wife, Cyan were having the most turbulent of times. I had always known they would never last and I have to admit that ever since their marriage in late 2001, I had always prayed secretly that something would make them crash. In truth, Cyan was a nice woman. I had no issues with her. The one person I had issues with was my dad. When he and my mum had separated in 1994, I had been about nine years old and could hardly fathom what had really gone wrong but over the years, I got used to the realization, especially as I approached my late teens. I was not particularly upset with either of them especially for the fact that they both remained single and neither of them appeared to give any special thought to remarrying. Chief, of course had a long list of women all through the years but he never made any moves to make anything formal.

Then, Cyan came along sometime in 2000 and she seemed like a nice person like some of the others before her. I was indeed certain her time would soon pass in Chief’s log book just like those before her. I was to be disappointed. To my surprise, my dad who hardly saw any woman beyond a couple of weeks saw this woman for much longer and by 2001, they practically lived together. The greatest shock was to come by late 2001 when I returned from a holiday at my muom's to find photos adorning the living room walls attesting to the fact that Cyan and my dad had been recently married. I was so bitter especially because Chief had not even thought it fair enough to let any of us, his children know about his decision to remarry and worse still, he had the guts to flaunt the photos in our faces! I hated my dad so much at that moment and of course it was so easy to hate Cyan, his new wife. However, her saving grace proved to be the fact that she was a nice woman and even though I tried to convince myself a good number of times that she was playacting, her sincerity was easy to see. Nonetheless, I was angry that my dad had gone ahead to remarry. It felt like being stabbed in the back.

Cyan was about the same age as my dad but she had never had any children even though she had once been married so naturally, my first prayers were that she never had any kids for my dad. Having a step-mum hurt enough and I was certainly not ready for a step-brother or step-sister to further fuel up my burning anger. I realized my wishes were selfish but I wished she had decided to pitch her tent elsewhere. The first cracks in their marriage began to show up within a few weeks. Chief was the kind of man who was hardly satiable. He was from a totally different world and no one was actually good enough for him. Then, he had his women issues too. Cyan endured for sometime until she could not take more and so quarrels were frequent. In truth, I cherished these moments so much as it continually served as a countdown to their break-up. Somehow, I was sure that would happen sooner or later. I believe Cyan decided to stay a little longer out of her desire and desperation to get pregnant – something that never happened.

During the course of Cyan’s stint as my step-mom, I came to understand that my dad was not the type of man any woman could really live with. There were just too many issues with him. By 2004, things had greatly degenerated between them and I spared myself of having to witness their constant troubles by spending more time outside home with my friends and of course, Madam L. On one Sunday in November 2005, they had a fight and that evening she drove off in her car and that was the last I saw of her. I learnt she later came with a relocation-truck to move her stuff. Their marriage was over! I was the happiest twenty-year old on earth that day as I called my brothers to break the news.

One thing however bothered me as I watched my dad’s second marriage crash. I was scared of living this same life and as such, I knew I had to be extremely careful of the choices I made in relationships. I swore never to have a broken home and I decided to do all in my power to ensure that this never happened to me. Again, I began to wonder if I had really made the right choice by dating BG. I realized time alone would tell.