WHEN THE ONE YOU LOVE IS WITH ANOTHER

What would you do when the one you love is with another?

A number of possible actions come to mind. If you are a guy, you could decide to walk up to that girl who has stolen your heart and let her know upfront that you love her and want her badly. The thought reminds me of a song by Nigerian singer, African China where he says: ‘if you love somebody, walk up to her and tell her you love her because it’s no crime’. While I would not disagree with the ghetto-bred-but-now-international-music-icon (oh yes, the dude’s International now), I would clearly state that approaching a girl you feel romantically attached to is no easy feat, especially if you are genuinely interested in her. It takes guts and a never-say-die attitude, especially when you consider the risks involved. For crying out loud, every man has his pride and having that pride rubbished by a woman is usually a hard pill to swallow. However, this is a risk that must be taken once you decide to express your feelings to a girl whom you know is already involved with someone else. It is even worse when you and the girl have a good rapport and you know she and her boyfriend are in a rather serious relationship.

You have been folding your arms and watching from the sidelines as the girl you love gets caressed and fondled by another guy much to her delight. Oh, how that hurts! However, you sigh in pain and roll with the punches. You continually resist the feeling of jealousy that stems up in you every time and it has practically become a fierce battle you have to face all the time – a battle that gets worse by the day. Jealousy in itself is a crushing feeling that leaves one exhausted and ravaged and you gradually get to a point when you feel you cannot stand and watch anymore. So what do you do? I suggest two options:

- Taking the plunge
- Removing the hindrance.

TAKING THE PLUNGE – This would happen especially when you have reached the limit of your resistance. You simply walk up to the girl and let her know how you feel. However, you should bear in mind that you would be taking a big risk that could indeed see you losing the girl for good or on the other hand, winning her for yourself. The following could happen if you decide to take the plunge.

1. The girl could simply ignore you and assume you’ve had too much to drink. If she is a nice person who actually fancies you, she might remain friends with you but trust me, things would never be the same again and of course, you would have lost the chance of ever having her, probably forever. Sad, right? Yes I know but it’s a risk that must be taken.
2. If she hardly gives a hoot about you, she could right away heap a good load of verbal invectives on you and warn you never to come an inch closer ever again. Of course, this would be very embarrassing and worse still, you would have lost her friendship and the chance to ever have her, forever! (No probabilities!).
3. If she’s the nice and understanding type, she could listen to you and let you understand the situation of things, probably about how much she loves her boyfriend and ‘likes’ you but she would of course tell you she cannot be involved with you. The usual consolation such nice girls give in this situation is, “we can be friends.” Now, that would have gone rather well but trust me, it would only leave you feeling all the more drawn towards her and possibly lead you to further depression and desperation. I don’t think that solves your problem at all.

These are a few risks associated with ‘Taking the Plunge’ that I can muster at the moment. But then, who knows? You just might get lucky and have your gamble pay off. Perhaps, the girl has probably always fancied you as well and had been waiting for your move all the while. Perhaps all the obtrusive love play that you had seen with her and her boyfriend had only been an act to cover up the bitterness and pain within their relationship. You might just have your dreams realized then and you would be glad you had taken the plunge.

REMOVING THE HINDRANCE – I see this as the coward’s way out. This is a move that would be borne by a good deal of study and research on the relationship between this girl of your dreams and her boyfriend. Once you come to a conclusion that theirs is a rock-steady relationship and nothing seems likely to break it, you might do well to bow out as it just might be foolhardy for you to ‘take the plunge’. In the event where you cannot afford to bow out, it might be worth it trying to ‘remove the hindrance’. You might be curious as to what I mean by this.

It is evident that your ‘Beyonce’ of a girl would never give you a second look as she’s heads-over-heels in love with this ‘Jay Z’ so the only logical solution would be to get Jay Z out of the picture. Now, you don’t have to kill Jay Z or you might find out Beyonce never gets over his loss and becomes celibate forever. Yes, love does such things too. What would you have gained then? Nothing! Besides, the law might catch up with you and you find yourself spending the rest of your life behind bars if you’re lucky to miss the hangman’s noose. No, don’t kill Jay Z! So what do you do? It is pretty simple. Find a way to damage the boyfriend’s reputation. There are various ways to achieve this. For instance, you could use bait, maybe some other beautiful woman to lure him. Be sure to device means whereby the girlfriend finds out while ensuring you maintain your anonymity as neatly as possible.

Once you have succeeded, you could then present your shoulder as one to be leaned on and to be cried upon. Every other thing takes off from there. Now, you might say this is callous. Yes, I know but you want the girl, right? Okay, it’s a callous act so forget about the girl and remain on the sidelines. Oh, you don’t want that. I didn’t think so. After all, a desperate problem calls for a desperate solution. In ‘removing the hindrance’, there are numerous options. It requires sheer creativity and dexterity.

I should not neglect to mention the risks associated with Removing the Hindrance however. These also have to be put into consideration before you take this step.

1. The girl might love her boyfriend so much that she is willing to forgive him for even the worst crime. In this case, you have got yourself a lost case and the only option is to let her go and go look for some other woman.
2. The bait might not work. The boyfriend could be genuinely in love with the girl that nothing could make him do anything to hurt her (Yes, we have guys like that too!) and all attempts to damage his reputation may prove futile. In that case, you are bound to fail yet again in your bid.
3. You might actually get the girl but what do you do when the wind eventually blows and you are found out? It could take a while but trust me, once you are fingered as the culprit, the resultant effect would be far from pleasant.
These and more are also some of the risks associated with ‘Removing the Hindrance’.

Getting your desired girl comes with great risks, especially when she is involved and in most cases, it usually ends up a failed mission. However, some men go ahead to take the plunge or remove the hindrance and actually do succeed. Life after all is unpredictable.

What about a girl on a quest to catch a man who is with another woman? I guess that is a story for another day.

GEEBEE'S TRIP would resume in January 2011. Stay tuned. Enjoy what's left of 2010 and have a wonderful 2011.