Wednesday, March 31, 2010

EPISODE 27 – BLIND DATING

The concept of ‘blind dating’ remains a most thrilling and interesting phenomenon that millions of people all over the world have engaged in at one time or the other and in fact still continue to practice even today. Imagine the feeling of flirting with someone you have not seen and the seeming endless ordeal of having to imagine the person’s physical appearance as you are only confined to the knowledge of that person’s voice or handwriting depending on your mode of conversation, either via letters or phone calls as the case may be. One thing you cannot take away from the concept of blind dating however is the fact that it is usually so much fun, well at least while it lasts. It somehow gives the partners the opportunity to explore each other’s fantasies under the cover of invisibility and of course there is the mutual respect both partners tend to have for each other in the course of this ‘no-physical-or-visual-contact’ kind of relationship. However, the blind dating idea goes a long way to prove the ‘familiarity breeds contempt’ theory, especially when the ‘blind partners’ happen to meet at last. The success of the ensuing relationship thereafter depends on how they handle the open relationship.



I explored with the idea of blind dating by chance sometime in late 2005. It was through a very popular request show on TV at the time. It was not as though I had any serious intentions but I thought it would be an amusing experience so I sent my details to the specified number requesting for any cute girls within my age grade at the time. I watched on intently waiting for my details to scroll past the T.V screen. A little while after, my details actually appeared on the screen and within seconds, my phone became the hottest line as calls, messages and of course ‘flashes’ kept me as busy as a bee. By the end of the day, I had secured no less than twelve blind dates and I had to begin the long ordeal of scrutiny. At last, I narrowed the list down to about seven girls. I had a pretty interesting relationship with all of them and in fact, I am still in contact with about four of them till date. I ended up meeting three of them and the unfolding experiences proved to me that indeed, a blind date is best kept ‘blind’. Due to time and space, I would share just one experience.

The most serious relationship of all perhaps was with U.J, a cute girl who resided in Surulere. Coincidentally, she shared the same name with a girl I had dated back in UME class. At the time, she was nineteen and trying to get into University and over the course of our communication, I learnt we shared a similar taste in writing and some other stuff. Back then, I knew only one or two female folk who were interested in the art and so I was instantly won over by my curiosity. I really wanted to know this girl who had a writer’s dream like me. We became an item almost instantly, having phone conversations and chatting on a most frequent basis. My pocket of course suffered the cost of always having to visit cybercafés to chat online with U.J and always having to keep airtime running on my phone. At a point, I settled on the cheaper option of making long calls to her from call centers. The mobile operators had not thought it wise then to introduce the ‘midnight free calls’ thingy.

BG and I were still rolling with the punches of our seemingly frustrating relationship. I believed the root cause of our problems happened to be her decision to hold on tightly to her virginity, thus denying me the most sought pleasure in a romantic relationship. Somehow, at the time, I simply could not understand what any nineteen year old girl would still be keeping her virginity for and in spite of my pleas and persuasions, BG remained resolute on her decision to ‘keep her virginity till her wedding night’ like she always put it then. Oh, how I hated those lines! As such, I was on the constant lookout for a replacement for BG, one I hoped to find in one of my blind dates, especially U.J who seemed to match every quality I desired in a chic. On one of our online chats, she had confirmed to me that she was no longer a virgin. Now, that was good news to my ears. We continued our ‘blind dating’ for almost three months before we decided it was time we saw each other face to face. We agreed that she would come over to my end. I believe I was the happiest twenty-year old alive during this period and I waited impatiently for that day, nearly driving myself nuts as varying forms of imaginations flooded my mind. I wondered about her looks (she had told me she looked quite good), her carriage and of course I had begun to picture in my obscene mind the lovemaking scenes we would probably share.

True, the day finally came and we met. She was indeed the perfect picture I had of her. In fact, she was better than what I expected and I could not thank my lucky stars enough. I decided then that BG could eat her virginity for all I cared! Meeting U.J in the flesh however was not to be the fairy tale I had imagined as things suddenly began to go awry. We spoke on a good lot of stuff ranging from books to movies to stuff we had written and planned to write. She even composed one of my poems into a song! I was sure I had met the perfect woman at last. We hung out together on a few more occasions and at some point, we shared a few kisses and touches. However, something seemed to be different. We simply could not strike the balance we had struck all the while we had maintained a no-visual-contact relationship. I noticed this and desperately hoped she hadn’t as I still believed we could work out. The calls and chats began to thin down and gradually, boredom began to set in.

The ice finally broke when she visited me some time later and told me we needed to stop seeing each other as it all seemed like a mistake. She said she wished we had remained friends without meeting each other and I had to agree even though I never told her. It took a little while for me to get over the blow. I called a couple of times but her response was never as cool as it had always been. I dropped offline messages which she never responded to. Before long, all my calls were answered by the mobile operator informing me on the unavailability of the number I was calling. At that point, I knew it was time to hang my gloves, brush the dirt off my shoulders and move on. Fortunately, BG was still around and we continued as usual to ‘roll with the punches’. I maintained contact with a few of my other blind dates but of the few ones I met physically, none appealed to me as U.J had. Perhaps, the incident with U.J had killed the desire to go all the way. I realized I had learnt a good lesson from the experience. Till date, I have not seen or heard from U.J and sometimes I wonder if she was actually real. Perhaps, she was some spirit being sent from beyond this realm to toy with my twenty-year old heart.

SEE YOU IN THE NEXT EPISODE OF THE GEEBEE CHRONICLES

Saturday, March 13, 2010

EPISODE 26 – CRASHED MARRIAGES

I remember some years back while I was in secondary school, during my fourth year I think, a close classmate confided in me that his father was about to take a third wife. He had been so devastated that my consolatory words hardly had any effect on his heavy heart. I recall that in my attempt ease his pain, I told him that he needed to be thankful for the fact that his father was still married to his mom at least. It was then I told him that my parents had been separated for a good while which was true. My folks had been separated since I was nine and at fourteen, I had still been struggling to come to terms with that fact so I constantly prayed that they would one day come back together. Well, it’s been about eleven years now since that day I discussed with my friend and my prayers are still yet to be answered. In fact, I have since stopped praying as far back as I can remember.


The saying goes, ‘when two elephants fight, it is the grass that suffers’. People often relate this saying to parents with issues and how their incessant quarrels tend to have negative effects on their children in the long run. Well, I won’t exactly say I disagree with this opinion but then my brothers and I have somehow managed to survive for almost sixteen years now without our parents living together and come to think of it, I sometimes wonder if things would have been better if the separation had not happened. As at today, I am still not yet convinced and I doubt if I ever will. Funny enough, I think I prefer things this way. Now, I hope someone does not think I’m crazy.

By November 2005, BG and I had been going out for sometime and I was beginning to accept the fact that I was stuck with this girl. Even though I constantly wished I could revert to my old girlfriend-free self, I had to resign to my fate for two major reasons. One, I liked the girl. Her naivety had a way of holding me spellbound for unexplainable reasons and she definitely made good company. Two, I did not want to repeat what my friend Sam had done. Sam’s way out had been to treat her badly and I had condemned that act to no end, thus, I did not think going in the same direction would be a sensible option. Of course, I kept my tab free and had flings with other girls once a while but I made sure I treated BG in the best way I could and that further endeared her to me.

Back on the homefront, Chief (my dad) and his wife, Cyan were having the most turbulent of times. I had always known they would never last and I have to admit that ever since their marriage in late 2001, I had always prayed secretly that something would make them crash. In truth, Cyan was a nice woman. I had no issues with her. The one person I had issues with was my dad. When he and my mum had separated in 1994, I had been about nine years old and could hardly fathom what had really gone wrong but over the years, I got used to the realization, especially as I approached my late teens. I was not particularly upset with either of them especially for the fact that they both remained single and neither of them appeared to give any special thought to remarrying. Chief, of course had a long list of women all through the years but he never made any moves to make anything formal.

Then, Cyan came along sometime in 2000 and she seemed like a nice person like some of the others before her. I was indeed certain her time would soon pass in Chief’s log book just like those before her. I was to be disappointed. To my surprise, my dad who hardly saw any woman beyond a couple of weeks saw this woman for much longer and by 2001, they practically lived together. The greatest shock was to come by late 2001 when I returned from a holiday at my muom's to find photos adorning the living room walls attesting to the fact that Cyan and my dad had been recently married. I was so bitter especially because Chief had not even thought it fair enough to let any of us, his children know about his decision to remarry and worse still, he had the guts to flaunt the photos in our faces! I hated my dad so much at that moment and of course it was so easy to hate Cyan, his new wife. However, her saving grace proved to be the fact that she was a nice woman and even though I tried to convince myself a good number of times that she was playacting, her sincerity was easy to see. Nonetheless, I was angry that my dad had gone ahead to remarry. It felt like being stabbed in the back.

Cyan was about the same age as my dad but she had never had any children even though she had once been married so naturally, my first prayers were that she never had any kids for my dad. Having a step-mum hurt enough and I was certainly not ready for a step-brother or step-sister to further fuel up my burning anger. I realized my wishes were selfish but I wished she had decided to pitch her tent elsewhere. The first cracks in their marriage began to show up within a few weeks. Chief was the kind of man who was hardly satiable. He was from a totally different world and no one was actually good enough for him. Then, he had his women issues too. Cyan endured for sometime until she could not take more and so quarrels were frequent. In truth, I cherished these moments so much as it continually served as a countdown to their break-up. Somehow, I was sure that would happen sooner or later. I believe Cyan decided to stay a little longer out of her desire and desperation to get pregnant – something that never happened.

During the course of Cyan’s stint as my step-mom, I came to understand that my dad was not the type of man any woman could really live with. There were just too many issues with him. By 2004, things had greatly degenerated between them and I spared myself of having to witness their constant troubles by spending more time outside home with my friends and of course, Madam L. On one Sunday in November 2005, they had a fight and that evening she drove off in her car and that was the last I saw of her. I learnt she later came with a relocation-truck to move her stuff. Their marriage was over! I was the happiest twenty-year old on earth that day as I called my brothers to break the news.

One thing however bothered me as I watched my dad’s second marriage crash. I was scared of living this same life and as such, I knew I had to be extremely careful of the choices I made in relationships. I swore never to have a broken home and I decided to do all in my power to ensure that this never happened to me. Again, I began to wonder if I had really made the right choice by dating BG. I realized time alone would tell.

SEE YOU IN THE NEXT EPISODE OF THE GEEBEE CHRONICLES.