EPISODE 60 - QUICKSAND!

Have you ever heard the term ‘quicksand’? Imagine being trapped and every attempt to get out gets you further trapped. I learnt that quicksand is something you should never struggle with and the more you try to get out of it, the faster you get caught in it. For the purpose of this post, I checked Wikipedia and learnt further that quicksand forms in saturated loose sands when the sand is suddenly agitated. When water in the sand cannot escape, it creates liquefied soil that loses strength and cannot support weight. They are mostly found inland (on riverbanks, near lakes or in marshes) or near the coast.

The funny thing is you never actually know quicksand from mere sight as it appears to be solid when undisturbed. It is until you find yourself in it you realize what a mess you’re in and annoyingly, you find yourself practically stuck not because you’re frozen or immobilized but because any action on your part to get yourself out of it gets you further trapped in. So, technically, it becomes safer to stay still. Talk of choosing the frying pan instead of the fire or picking the lesser of two evils.  Now, that’s one experience you shouldn’t pray to have but that’s what it felt like after the incident with Cher, my pregnant girlfriend’s sister.

Source

After Cher’s departure that morning, I had the opportunity to really think about all I had done, more like what we had done. The implications were dire as it were. I felt like Macbeth who had murdered sleep and indeed I knew I had. I had called BG immediately and we made up.

“Hey baby!” she said as soon as she picked the call. “I’m so glad you called at last. I’ve been so worried and I hardly slept throughout the night.”

I swallowed saliva. She had been worried and full of guilt over her outburst while I had been eating the forbidden fruit with her sister. A deep pang of guilt forcefully hit me afresh.

 “I’m so sorry. I just don’t know what came over me. I promise it would never happen again. Hope you’ve forgiven me.”

“It’s alright baby,” I managed. “I understand. In your condition, you would be prone to overreacting over the smallest of issues.”

“Yeah I know but it’s no excuse and I’m sorry again. Please forgive me.”

I winced. Her pleas were driving me insane especially considering the fact that it should have actually been me pleading with her to forgive me for what I had done.

 I was thrown into a deep valley of decision. I thought of simply confessing my sins and telling her what I had done and escaping from the guilt that was trying hard to kill me. I dismissed the thought promptly. It would be a suicidal act, not necessarily for me but BG was bound to go berserk on hearing such news and only God knew what extent she could go as a result. No, that was too big a risk, I decided. I would simply have to keep my mouth shut this time. I would simply have to play along and allow BG keep believing she was the one who had offended me.“I have called Cher as well and . . .” BG continued but I cut in immediately.

“You called Cher . . .?” I said before I could stop myself.

“Yeah I had to apologize to her as well for the accusations. She said she spent the night at your place . . .”

My heart stopped. What in God’s name had Cher done?

BG was still talking. “Thanks for your consideration. Cher said you had to sleep on the floor so she could use the bed. That’s so thoughtful of you, Geebee.”

I suppressed a grateful sigh. Cher was simply a mistress of deception and I had to admit to myself that I was in awe. I unsuccessfully tried to imagine what Cher could have said to convince BG into trusting us so easily after her earlier suspicion. I ended the call feeling like the weight on my shoulders had been miraculously lifted.

Two days later, Cher was at my place again. It was different this time around because BG was aware and in total support. I was uncomfortable with the idea but Cher had told me on phone a day before that it was best we kept up the act.

“Geebee, what’s up?” she had said cheerfully after I received her call.

“I’m good.” I said, maintaining my composure as best as I could.

“We need to talk” she said.

I was silent for a moment trying hard to process her words.

“Are you there?” she asked.

“Yes I’m here and no, I don’t think it’s a good idea that we see.” I responded bravely.

“Look Geebee, we both agree what happened between us was a mistake but remember we had plans before then. We can’t just throw all that away.”

She had a point. She was supposed to be a partner in my little ‘enterprise’ but as it were, I couldn’t trust her not to push me to the limits again and I couldn’t trust myself either not to fall again. In fact, I was too sure I would fall once more if ever we got together again.

“Besides, BG believes we are making moves already. If we break it off suddenly, don’t you think she’d smell a rat? Geebee, please I need this opportunity and as soon as you can teach me all I need to know, I’ll be out of your hair.”

True to her words, she kept things strictly business this time around and in less than ten minutes, we were off to the café. The evening turned out to be a very productive one and we penned down two good deals from existing magas and secured prospective ones. Her face on the webcam proved to be impressive to the magas and while I chatted with them, her ideas were a welcome contribution. By the end of that evening, I was no longer reluctant to have her around. By the end of that week, she had claimed about three Western Union transfers on my behalf. I took her and BG shopping and we all had so much fun together. It was almost as though nothing wrong ever happened between us some days before.

Before long, I began to confide very much in Cher and she in me. I told her about my plans for life, my frustrations with BG’s pregnancy and how I never actually loved her enough to want to marry her. She was so easy to talk to and at a point I knew we were becoming too close for comfort but this time, I didn’t seem to mind and neither did she. It was almost inevitable that we would go down the same wrong road we had gone previously and when it happened again, there was hardly any guilt. We simply decided we would keep things as discreet as possible and give BG no reason to suspect anything. I knew it was crazy but it was like I had become trapped in quicksand. I decided I was not going to struggle with it anymore because the more I tried to struggle, the deeper I would find myself sinking. It was safer to stay still until I got help whenever it came.

SEE YOU IN THE NEXT EPISODE OF THE GEEBEE CHRONICLES.

I read a book during the week and I have to admit it's the most unique book I've read this year (and I've read quite a number). Seun Odukoya's 'For Days and a Night' is one book you won't stop reading for a second once you begin until you're done. I can guarantee that because it happened to me! Seun is a fantastic writer (one of the guys I look up to, in fact but he claims he's just trying. lol) and he's also a blogger on Wordpress. The beautiful thing about it is you can download it for FREE! Yes, you heard! Click HERE to download.

Then, please check out my friend, Salemcity's new track, Paradise. It's a song that's best described with its name. It's a song that would take you to Paradise literally. Click HERE to download. 

Thanks folks. Have a lovely Christmas celebration!

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EPISODE 59 – THE MORNING AFTER

I once heard there are three major vices that compete for the average young man's attention and only when a man successfully crosses the youthful stage of life steering clear of these mischievous trio could he be said to be a perfect youth. The vices form the DSF clan, an acronym for Drinking, Smoking and Fornication. Now, is there any dude in the house who’d say he’s never indulged in any of these? Please, stand up or forever remain silent and content with your status as a presently or erstwhile Imperfect youth. Of course there are exceptions and this has to do with the young men who have been fortunate enough to have been on the righteous path from a rather young age. These ones tend to cross the gulf of youth without getting hooked by at least one of the DSF components. Note that I used the word ‘average young man’ where this implies boys who get to grow up without necessarily being recipients of strict spiritual and moral guidance. Unfortunately, these vices have become so etched in the fabric of our society that people excuse them, using the comfortable term ‘youthful exuberance’. Indeed!

Personally, I wouldn’t totally agree that it is permissible for young men to indulge in these excesses in the name of youthful exuberance but even if the benefit of doubt is given, I strongly believe such kids should outgrow such tendencies after a while. At twenty, if you are a member of the DSF clan, there should definitely be a get-away plan. You shouldn’t see yourself still doing such stuff by twenty-five! That’s what I have always believed and still do believe. Unfortunately, many young men still find themselves stuck in this vicious community well into their thirties, forties and even beyond. I was not lucky enough to escape DSF; in fact, I sampled all its components and it felt so good at the time. However, I always had a get-away plan. I knew this wasn’t something I wanted to do forever and so always had to use the ‘check myself before I wreck myself’ code. One factor that further strengthened this resolve was the fleeting feeling that came with all of these vices.  The fun usually only lasted for that present moment and I always hated the way I felt afterwards. It was a thought I hardly shared with anyone but I always had my get-away plan at the back of my mind. 

Of the lot, fornication seems to be the easiest commit, especially considering the available options this vice offers. If you’re not bold enough to approach a girl, you could save yourself the trouble by patronizing brothels. Smoking takes more guts, especially when you go beyond cigarettes and try out smoking weed or some crazier stimulant. Drinking tends to be a little easier to indulge in than smoking but the effects could mess a man up just as well. The hangovers from drinking sprees could subject one to the worst forms of ridicule. The most terrible part is the hangover experience of the morning after a night of drunkenness. It usually feels like hell. I could compare this feeling to what I felt in the morning after the night I found myself kissing Cher.

Source

I opened my eyes and stretched lazily in bed. I attempted to roll sideways and suddenly I realized I was not alone. Cher was still sleeping soundly. I sat up and stared at her sleeping frame for a moment. This was not happening, I tried to convince myself. Had I just spent the night in bed with my girlfriend’s sister? I felt bile build up in my throat. I felt like a pregnant woman with morning sickness. Perhaps, BG’s pregnancy had been miraculously transferred to me and I was beginning to feel the symptoms of early pregnancy! I was suddenly woozy all over and the room seemed to spin. I looked at a corner of the bed and saw my boxer shorts and I recalled all that had transpired the night before . . .

Cher broke off suddenly and pulled away. In the darkness, I could feel my face flush with embarrassment. I tried to imagine how humiliated she must have felt as well.

“Cher . . .” I began, feeling like I had just had ‘dumbass’ tatooed on my forehead.

She didn’t respond. Her back was turned to me and I thought twice about reaching out to touch her again. That was how the foolishness had started anyway.

“I’m so sorry, Cher” I said, finally finding my voice. “I really don’t know what came over me.”

“It’s okay, Geebee. I’m sorry too.” she said, turning slightly to face me in the darkness. “I guess I am as guilty as you are anyway.”

I understood what she meant. She had kissed me back and I figured she had probably surprised herself as well. I remained on the spot I was sitting on the ground for a while wondering what implications the kiss we had just shared could have. It wasn’t something I would easily be able to shake off and I wondered if it would be the same for her. Her sister was pregnant for me and as things were, I was practically stuck with her, at least until after the baby was born and probably for a few years more until we decided what the future held for both of us. That automatically meant I would always be connected to Cher one way or the other. Could I bear to look at her without thinking of the kiss? How long would it take for BG to notice the tension that would exist between her sister and I? How about our Yahoo-Yahoo association? Would we still be able to continue?

I sighed and tried to get up to crawl back to the corner of the floor to sleep off the exhaustion I felt but I stopped in my tracks as Cher gripped my sleeve. I was speechless for a moment as I tried to process what could be going on and what I should say at that moment.

“We’re both human beings and blood flows through our veins!” she simply said as she pushed her body closer to mine. The physical contact caused electric sparks to shoot through my entire body and every thought I had building in my head vanished into thin air. I took her mouth and kissed her again with so much force that I never imagined myself capable of. In the darkness, and with our lips aching from the forceful kissing, we undressed one another without pausing for a moment to think. A brief pause would probably have been all that was needed to save the day but we seemed determined not to interfere with the strong chemistry in the air. Minutes later, with our blind passion well spent, we had fallen asleep. . . .

I winced as I recalled all that had happened. I had felt so bad about kissing Cher but I had gone ahead to do the most despicable thing. I was sure I had committed a crime worthy of nothing but death. I sighed again and tried to find an excuse for what had happened. It had not been entirely my fault. Cher should not have been at my place that night. I countered the thought almost immediately. After all, she had resolved to find her way home that night but I had stopped her. I had gone all the way to the bus stop to persuade her to come back with me although it had been an action I took out of concern for her safety and especially out of irritation at BG’s insinuations. Yes! BG! Immediately, I began to build a mental blame-jail for my girlfriend. I had never imagined that what had happened between Cher and I could happen. It was BG who had started the senseless accusations on phone back in the bus. It was her that had made Cher feel so bad to the point of weeping and then in my bid to console her I had done a most stupid thing. BG had a part in this unfortunate occurrence. I suddenly found myself hating my girlfriend so much at that moment. If she had only been more trusting and given me the benefit of doubt, I would probably never have been pushed into doing something so wrong. In the deepest recesses of my mind, I knew I was making lame excuses but I shut up that part of me and chose to focus on what I wanted to focus on. It worked like magic. I proceeded to tie a towel around my waist

Cher must have felt some activity around her as she woke up and looked around the room. Our eyes met.

“Hi”, she said, trying to avert my gaze, her countenance betraying a hint of timidity.

“Hey”, I responded. “Hope you slept well?”

She nodded and looked at the clock on the wall. I followed her gaze and for the first time I remembered she was due to submit an assignment that day and should have been out of my house by 5 am. It was almost seven o’clock.

“Wow! Your assignment,” I said concernedly.

She sighed as she got up, pulling off the entire bed sheet with her to cover her nudity.

“I guess I’ve started paying for what we did last night” she said, smiling mischievously.

I was surprised and at the same time relieved. I had expected her to be as gloomy as death with the guilty feeling like I was feeling. I had wondered how we would be able to look each other in the face after what had transpired but here we stood making a casual joke about it. It was so comforting.

“Look, Geebee” she began. “About what happened last night, I’m sorry about it all but could we try to keep it away from BG?”

I looked at her in surprise. “Of course. You think I’ll tell her? That would be a most stupid thing to do.”

“Fine.” She said, as she sat on the edge of the sofa. “I really don’t know what came over me.”

I shrugged. “What has happened has happened. We just need to move on.” I said, trying my best to be in control as much as possible.

“Yeah.” She concurred. “I should get going. Do you mind if I take a shower?”

“Sure, why not?” I said, pointing out the bathroom to her.

As she took her shower, my mind wandered to BG again and I wondered if indeed I would be able to keep the truth of what had happened between me and her sister from her and even if I did, how long would I be able to hide it? A month? Two months? Two years? What if we ended up together eventually? Would I be able to keep the truth from her forever? I realized only time would tell. I turned on my phone and barely a minute after; I received about five new messages. They were all from BG. She was full of apologies for accusing me and asked that I forgave her for over-reacting. She confessed that she loved me too much and was scared of losing me. The successive messages were follow-ups to preceding ones. In the last one, she asked that I called her as soon as I saw the messages. I hated myself so much right then and wished I could rewind time back to the very moment Cher had called on phone the previous day. I should have simply not picked up the phone!

“I think you should try to call BG.” Cher said as she emerged from the bathroom. Thankfully, she had put on her clothes before coming out.

I nodded. “Yeah I will. I’m just reading her messages.”

“Oh really? What did she say? More insults?”

I shook my head and passed the phone to her. She read on for a few minutes and sighed.

“Wow! We’ve been very bad!” she said as she handed back the phone to me.

As Cher left my place that morning, I knew somehow I would not be able to push her away for good. I admired her unique ability to stay detached and composed in spite of what had happened between us and I wished I had such a personality as well. I knew keeping the truth away from BG would be an uphill task but I also knew it was best if she didn’t know. What had happened with Cher was a mistake but I was not even convinced it was a mistake I would never repeat. As much as I tried to make the resolve, it did not feel strong enough. I knew the only person that could actually stop me from making that mistake again was Cher herself. I looked at my phone. It was time to call and make up with BG. Perhaps, that would be my saving grace, I hoped.

SEE YOU IN THE NEXT EPISODE OF THE GEEBEE CHRONICLES

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